The World Is Ours

Hope And Beyond

Lacey's version ~

*5 years ago*

I stared at the sky in disbelief. It was starting to rain heavily. I had nowhere to go. I promised myself that one day when I'm 18 I wouldn't have to live like this anymore. Running from home, the police, from store to store always being on the run, never having my phone or enough money. That I would be safe and I would be the person to get me there. People almost never got it. The police certainly didn't. The pain, the anguish, the desperation of just wanting it to stop but being too young to have your voice heard. If you're a teenager, your feelings always get blamed on hormones. There's no other explanation. It was starting to get dark already but I felt almost no fear. The people here couldn't hurt me much more than she already had, not in the same way at least. The scary thing was I was almost prepared for something to happen. I don't know what but the bar was pretty high already. I'd almost built up a tolerance to the pain and discomfort that came along with the way I was treated. But I was never used to what actually would happen. I can't even think about it now. I pushed it to the back of my mind and got on the bus hoping the driver wouldn't recognise my 13-15 ZIP card. I stayed at Luton Airport the night. It was warm and there was always food. And the best part? Not having a strained bladder. I had everything I needed. I could almost live here. And then I saw it. Security walking towards me, their pace quickening when they realised what I was about to do. Running would seem suspicious so I walked but the fact that I was in my school uniform gave away the fact that I was a school kid. Shit. They called the police as I was unaccompanied and "looked lost" and the police, inevitably, unfazed, took me back home, as if a twelve year old sleeping at the airport wasn't a red flag already. Aren't they trained for this sort of thing? Maybe they just didn't have enough empathy for kids. It's an everyday task I guess. But I was determined. I said that I'd run away again the same night. I also had something on me incase....no I wasn't going to do that. I'm stronger than this. But they were calm. They held me firmly and didn't leave until I was inside my house. No tears, just numbness. I slept on the sofa, thinking into the darkness. More questions than answers. I didn't have school the next day so the weekend was going to be unbearable. I almost couldn't do it. I couldn't. One day, it wouldn't be like this anymore. One day, I would run away and the police couldn't stop me. They couldn't stop me because I'd be an adult or almost an adult and prepared. I hoped I'd make it. I had to.

Lacey's version ~

*Current day*

I love Trishie. I love that she's so determined. I love the fact that even though we aren't exactly the same, we complement eachother. She's sweet and intelligent and proactive. She knows how badly I need this. Sometimes when I meet someone new and click with them it feels like my whole life has just been leading up to that point in particular. It feels memorable and glorified in my head. Sparkly. Precious. I tend to do that with things. Decide it's my new favourite thing and run with it. Now it's a person. When she called me this morning saying she got the stuff I knew this is the beginning of something big. Something that would last us forever.

Trisha's version~

So we're both in my bedroom right now planning what to bring when staff knock on our door and ask if we're okay because there's so much commotion. "We're fine", Lace smiles. She can lie pretty convincingly. I guess she's been pretending her whole life so it checks out. Once we're alone again we resume packing, have dinner and realise that maybe we're running away from something bigger than our pasts. Maybe we're running from ourselves and our pain. Something that would follow us everywhere. You can't run from your own shadow. "Do you really want to do this?", "it's a lot when you think about it". Lace nodded but she looked unsure. "My mum will find out. A lot is at stake. Like yeah I'm questioning if it's worth it but it's also my only option. I can't do it alone." She looked me expectantly. It was really hectic and unsafe. Pointless, not to mention. It always seems easy when you visualise it but not as simple in real life. I sighed and said "if you want to, I'm with you". I didn't know if I was ready to leave my life behind but I knew wanted to give Lace something she had never had. Stability. Security. Something to hold on to. I just didn't want to fail her. It wasn't my responsibility but still. We waited until 2 am just watching netflix and left in time for the 154. Was it thrilling? Yes. But it felt as if I losing more than I had already lost. It felt fulfilling but also like I was losing my sense of structure along with it. For the first time I was allowing myself to be out of control, unpredictable. For the first time I was ready. Ready for adulthood and the challenges it bought. Fighting back tears I got on and Lace seemed to just want to be left alone. At 3.24 am we reached Stansted airport and from there we trekked to my old house. Neither of us thought this was a good idea anymore but I was too drained to admit it. Part of me just wanted to sleep in my cozy warm bed and shower the troubles of the day away. But then again, where is the reality in that? I'm living in a house that the LA has provided, I'm given money I haven't earned to take care of myself simply because I'm 17. It's all free. This isn't what adult life is like. And I'm frightened for it. Unprepared.

Lacey's version ~

I can't do this. I can't. Not only have I compromised everything running away including my safety but I've taken someone else with me. If something happens to Trisha I'm solely responsible. It all made sense in my head but living it seems impossible. Once we eventually made it to her old house we realised it was without heating and hot water. Still, it was habitable I guess. More than a few hours here and we'd be risking police finding us. But we hadn't been reported missing yet or the house would have phoned us. I was going to make microwaveable noodles when Trisha asked what's the worst that could happen if we went back. She wasn't talking about cherry hill. She meant home. Back. There. I froze, my heart still in my chest, thumping hard. I couldn't respond. I hated it. The effect my past had on me. "Okay okay calm down. I didn't mean there. I meant our home." She could almost read my thoughts. I relaxed a little. The worst is they could send me back but Trisha doesn't get the severity of this. I ignored the rumbling in my stomach. She changed the topic. "The car in your profile picture. Where is that? And whose is it?" The car! Wow I just remembered I still had that. It was my older friend's car but she's filthy rich so she might not even miss it. Was I really considering stealing? Damn. 16 and already a felon, just not convicted. Yet. "Um, Trisha?" She looked at me expectantly. "I have access to it. Like I have the keys and I know the garage it's in. Wanna go right now?" She looked like she was going to pass out. I can't blame her. This was tiring. I just wanted to sleep too. "We will. Can I just catch an hour of sleep on this couch?" "What's wrong with your room, you can sleep there?" She didn't reply and just glanced at her phone as if I hadn't said anything. Guess we both have our secrets. Except I told her mine and she didn't open up that much.