The World Is Ours

Ride or Die 🗝️🌍💔

Trisha's version ~

It was hard to fall asleep last night with my thoughts swirling but it was alright. Everyone has nights where they question and want to rearrange their whole life right? Nope. So I received my grade sheet online today and turns out I failed my chemistry assignment because I miscalculated the deadline. Great. I'm not too worked up about it though. I realised even though I've been here a week I've only really talked to Lacey. None of the boys. They seem reserved anyway and are mostly not home. I wondered what it would be like to just delete my social media, grab a bag and just not come back. I'm 18 in 8 months anyway. The only thing stopping me was the fact I was Alyssa and I didn't have a James to run away with. I love The End Of The F- World. It's my fave series. For when I can be bothered for Netflix. I think about Ginny and what she would say if we still talked. I wish we did but since we moved placements we've drifted and from talking every alternate day we've gone to texting once a week. I can't relate to anyone my age anymore. Sometimes it feels like my life is a show for others' entertainment and my friends are props. But whatever. A surge of adrenaline hit me. I checked the time. 6.34 am. Saturday. Would Lacey be awake? I hopped out of bed and walked down the passage to her room. Instantly I could smell the mix of weed and grapefruit body mist. The £2.49 drugstore ones. I smiled and knocked firmly. Yeah she could have been sleeping but something told me otherwise. A pause. "Yeahhh?". She sounded drowsy. She opened the door for me and was surprised. "Heyy" she said, her voice nasally and earthy aroma surrounding her. "Can I come in? I kinda wanna get to know you since we're like the only girls here. But if it's early it's alright". I kinda rushed through my words hoping she'll just let me in already. I felt confident and just wanted to get to know her. She said yes! We smoked a little out her window and shared dry Coco pops. We talked about everything to the point where I was worried we'd run out of topics to talk about. I learned a lot about her, like the fact she was from a single parent family and the struggles that came with it. And the fact she struggled to stay in mainstream school because of her uncontrollable behaviour. We actually had a lot of similarities. Not in terms of our histories but our behaviour and way of thinking. The only difference between us was that I internalised my emotions and she externalised them so she'd get in trouble whereas I'd stay under the radar. But our issues were the same. I felt connected to her in the way I felt connected to Ginny. I honestly felt like I could take her hand and start a new life. Literally. But it seemed way too impulsive to say out loud. And soon. But we were high and it was kinda dark and the vibe felt right. "Lace? Wait can I call you that?" I giggled. It was the weed, not my nerves. "Yeahhh it sounds more mature anyway. And I'll call you little T because you're so tall but dainty", she giggled uncontrollably. Like a waterfall cascade. It was funny and cute as well. "I don't know why I said that I'm sorryyy!!". Yeah, no she was too high for a Saturday morning but I'm not complaining. She's fun. "That works", I nodded, smiling. Little T, I could live with that. "Sooo this is gonna sound a bit crazy and I usually don't do stuff like this. Not because I'm sensible but because people expect me to make good decisions, you know?" I paused, my arms tingling with nerves. "Oooh the ceiling looks like a washing machine", she laughed, distracted. She caught herself, "sorry my brain is not braining, you were gonna ask me something." Now it sounds crazy. It's real life, not a movie. We can't run away. What if she's not staying here permanently anyway? Wait that's more of a reason to run away not less. Like this could benefit both of us. "Okay yeah do you wanna run away together?". Wow that wasn't so hard. "Seriously?", she asked but I could see her considering it. I nodded. "I don't feel like I belong here, do you?" She looked at me still thinking. "No I don't feel like I belong but I've been here less than a week. It's a safe place. If I run away and get caught I could be sent back. Too much is at stake, I'm sorry". Now I felt like I ruined the mood. Of course it's insane, what was I thinking? We carried on chatting for a bit, about college, my life, my previous care placements. Talking to her felt nice. It felt like home.

* 5 weeks later*
Trisha's version ~

Even though Lace didn't want to run away with me, I respected that and her reasons and we still spent every morning and evening together. It was hard to get bored of her unwavering enthusiasm and optimism about life. She went through the five stages of grief in like five minutes and when she got excited, it was like a festival. I needed that kind of positivity in my life. I was filling out my bursary form when I heard her knock frantically at my door. I could hear tears. I was stunned for a moment. She came in, her eyes swollen and ears crimson. Not knowing what to do I put my arms around her gently and just let her vent. "The meeting- they want me to go back. I can't, Trishie, I can't do it. Do something. Please don't somethingg I can'tt I'm going to..die". I could feel her hyperventilating and I got angry at her social worker. I wanted to go downstairs and give her a piece of my mind. Tell her she can't just play with my friend's emotions like that. Her home's not safe, how can she go back? But I couldn't move, not with her clinging on to me that tightly so I stayed with my arms wrapped around her. We were there a while. "You know what?", she said abruptly, wiping her tears. "I'm not going back". "No, I'm not going back", she said, gathering her courage. "What are you saying, Lace, what do you want to do about it? We can talk to-". She cut me off. "We ain't talking to no one. We're leaving. Alright?". Oh. She's talking about running away. But she was upset. It's a big decision to make impulsively. "Are you gonna come with me? Because with you or not, I'm leaving". She was shivering and her fingers were blue. She really was panicky. I was grateful I didn't feel was she was feeling. That I was safe. But still, something was missing in my life. A need to belong. I nodded. "We can go but not today. How much time do you have?" She sniffled, looking at me. "Nothing is decided yet. It may not happen even, but I'm scared of the notion of it. I can't think about it." There was a sense of finality in her voice. "The feeling is eating me alive. I want to go tonight. I have my allowance for travel." I had to reassure her. I told her we couldn't go tonight because we had no plan and no food and eventually she calmed down enough to take a nap. The fleetingness of life really struck me at this point. The philosophy. The fact that nothing was permanent. I felt the need to leave as well but for different reasons. For her it was mainly safety and for me, meaning and independence. I went out that following morning and bought protein bars, water bottles and shawls. It was hardly enough because where would we stay? I had a credit card but it could be tracked if I used it. I bought a new SIM as well. I called Lace and said we could leave tonight if she was ready. And even as I did this I knew I was making a mistake but I told her we could stay at my old house. It was empty. But it could be the first place police would look. They could try trace our phones or bus passes. The possibilities were endless. If I was going to do this, there's no turning back. I hate unfinished projects.