𝐏𝐎𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐄 | | j.n

𝟏. 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬

                               october, 1986

it really is a tragic thing. a terrible tragic thing.

how terrible it is to love something that death can touch.

i used to think that me and him were invincible. cliff and coraline. nothing could touch us. we had everything. his love for music was unparalleled. he could play anything.

and i was always there. sitting next to him. standing in the front of crowd no matter how large or scarce it was.

nothing could touch us.

until the cold september air took him away, stole him out of my life.

me and him were supposed to live forever. supposed to be in a nursing home or whatever when we were so old we could barely talk. waiting to go together.

but he left me. 19. cold. numb.

i don't remember much about that night. just a deck of cards. a few laughs. before it went dark.

through the dark it was me and him. but as the sun rose.

it was just me.

and then the screaming. the toned arms holding me back from launching off the hotel balcony. i don't even know who was screaming. was it me? or everyone else?

the words, 'take me with you' 'don't leave me here' 'i can't do this without you' echoed through the night. i could have been the one yelling them. someone else could of.

but i know for a fact it didn't seem real. it wasn't real. this was a nightmare in which i could never seem to wake up from.

me and him were invincible.

but now as my mother and father weep beside me, pictures of my brother who never seemed to let me leave his side, and the agonizing cries of his friends.

his body, ashes, in a glass vase. everyone who he loved and loved him here. the officiant talking about his life.

the song he composed ringing through my ears, what once was an amazing melody was now dreadful.

i know damn well this isn't a nightmare. well at least one i can't wake up from.

and it came crashing over me. like somebody who can't swim thrusted into the black ocean. the feeling of not being able to breathe overwhelming.

the grief. too much for me to handle.

-

"number 26!" the danish accent rang out.

lars and james had begged me to come to auditions. saying that they needed me to help. and that going out of the house would be good for me.

it was the day after the funeral. and god i just wanted to rest. to stay in bed. listen to the birds chirp and somehow hear my brother through them.

but he was gone. and i needed to pull myself together.

i needed to be strong for james. who was on his 11th beer bottle by now. and for once i didn't bother stopping him like i usually would.

i needed to be strong for lars. who put on an act of 'i'm okay! we need to move on. cliff would have wanted us to move on.'

but i could see through the emptiness of his eyes when he said his name. or even thought about finding another member. for good.

i needed to be strong for kirk. who was ripping apart at the seams. not even bothering to contain the tears brimming his waterline. not giving a single damn about the weird looks he got from the people auditioning.

and i needed to be strong for my parents. who already lost 2 children. they didn't need to see a third breaking down into the abyss.

"these people fucking suck." james grunted. each word slurred as he reached behind me to retrieve another glass.

but i ignored him. arms still locked around my knees that had been brought up to my chest.

the sound of his teeth ripping the bottle cap off the transparent green glass made me grimace. i don't know if it was the sound, or the connotation.

all i know is he was gone, lost in a drunken mind as he flopped over and onto my shoulder. i didn't even bother waking him up and bumping his head off of me.

i needed the comfort. and god knows he did too.

"so where are you from?" i heard lars ask. looking up through my lashes to see another person auditioning. i lost count of how much people had come.

the man, who looked so nervous i wondered if he needed a xanax, shakily spoke up.

"s-salt lake city, it's i-in utah." he finally mustered out.

lake.

                            1978, castro valley

"cliff!" i screamed. my psychotic brother managed to catch a fish. and was now chasing me around the trees next to the lake he had drug me out too.

"don't fall you can't swim!" he yelled out to me. "neither can you!" i yelled back. screaming and laughing when he threw the poor dying fish at me.

i managed to dodge it and watched it plop in the water. "shit my hooks still in it!" he cried.

i only rolled my eyes. shouldering him and making my way back over to the creaky wooden planks of the doc.

"it's what you deserve for dragging me out here this early." i mumbled as he sat down next to me.

"shut up coraline." he mumbled back. shoving a heavy hand on my shoulder. i ended up lying on the doc.

he scoffed. "i didn't even push you that hard." he said. glaring at me, me glaring at him back as is pulled myself up.

"you're mean." "and you haven't grown since second grade." my jaw dropped and i gasped. "im gonna drown you!" i screeched.

the two of us play fighting to see who would go under the water first.

looking back on it, it was extremely dangerous because me and him absolutely could not swim.

                                      present

i was snapped out of my memory's by james nudging my shoulder.

"cora." he said softly. but i couldn't hear him. the grief was washing over me again. and i couldn't stop it.

"i have to go." i said breathily. the tears already threatening to drown me. "coraline please you need to talk about things." he begged.

i wiped my eyes. mascara smudging my shaking hands. "look i know you guys will find someone perfect. you don't need me here. and i promise you that. i love and trust you guys." i said.

james only biting his lip and nodding. i reached out and squeezed his arm before making my way out the side door.

failing to see what seemed to be the last guy of the night. just letting myself cry as i made it to my car. the orange huge of the setting sun creating a gorgeous peace of art on the black paint of my car.

and i didn't know it then. but the words i would hear before unlocking the door and driving away would change my life.

forever.

even though i was away from the building. i could still hear them speaking. not paying any mind to the voice talking to the boys. probably thinking that he was just going to be rejected and suck like the rest of them had been.

"i'm jason. jason newsted."

a/n: hey! welcome to the first chapter of my story! hopefully you guys liked it, there's lots to come.

vote, comment, follow! :)