𝐏𝐎𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐄 | | j.n

𝟖. 𝐢'𝐦 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲

1981

"i know something you don't know!" cliff pranced around me. a hint of mischief in his tone. i didn't want to listen to him. i was too busy making the lemon muffins i begged my parents to buy the ingredients for.

i huffed, biting my lip and scooping up some of the batter from the bowl i was mixing from. "CORALINE!" he warned. but it was too late.

flinging the yellow mix from my index finger onto his blue jean jacket. "damn it!" he hissed. mouth agape as he realized that the lemon yellow wasn't going to come off with just the pad of his finger.

i reached in a grabbed another dribble. "tell me or this one goes on the jeans!" i attempted to yell, voice breaking at the end as i just giggled instead.

he scoffed and rolled his eyes. "i know what mom and dad are getting you for your birthday tomorrow." cliff smiled.

"mhm." i teased. sucking the lemon batter from off the tip of my finger. cliff gasped at my action. "CORALINE THAT HAS RAW EGG IN IT, YOU'RE GONNA GET SALMONELLA!"

"be so real." i mumbled and glared at him. grabbing the spoon that was resting on the slick marble counter top and carefully scooping up the batter and placing them in their respective muffin cups to go in the oven.

cliff slouched onto the counter, hands cradling his chin as he looked at me. "can't believe you're gonna be 15 tomorrow." i threw my head back in laughter. "i know, didn't think i'd make it this far." he'd shoved my arm for that one.

"can't believe in a couple months you'll be 21." i shot back. smiling at the way he rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"no seriously, you're growing up so fast, feels like i'm losing time with you already." he'd whispered. fingers tapping a melody on the counter top.

for some reason a lump on my throat appeared from that one. "cliff we have all the time in the world, i'm pretty sure by the time i'm 20, i'll still be following you around like a lost puppy." i'd said, going over to him and hugging his bony side.

"i'll be 25 when you're 20, and by then i hope we've achieved what we've been dreaming of since kids." he said. latching his arm around my back and torso, ruffling my hair a bit to annoy me. he's always known i hated that.

"and what exactly is that." i mumbled. conflicted on what he'd say. "i'll be in the band that i've always wanted to have, and you'll have opened the bakery you've been talking about since you got that kids bake oven when you were 2." i smiled at the thought.

"can't wait till i'm 20 and you're 25 then." i said. letting go of him and grabbing the tray of uncooked muffins as the oven dinged, signaling that it was done pre-heating.

he was dead by the time i was about to turn 20. and he'd never made it to 25.

tomorrow. my birthday is tomorrow. the first ever one without cliff. the first ever one spent by myself.

the rain pelting on my skull was comforting. the rose thorns puncturing the flesh of my hands set a reminder that the pain was real.

i'd walked through the field of fallen branches and the grass so wet one move and i would be collapsed in a heap of grass stains and dirt coming up my shoe.

the lake that we had always went to as kids was being painted by the rain. and just a few feet away from the water, was his gravestone.

"hey cliff." i whispered. sinking to my knees, shaky hands resting the roses i'd brought on the grass in front of the black stone. "it's gonna be my birthday tomorrow, first without you." i said. i tried to be strong, i really did.

"i miss you." i wailed. sobbing so hard it was getting hard to breathe. sobbing so hard i couldn't distinguish the tears and the rain poring from the sky that wailed with me.

"i'm sorry cliff! i'm sorry you didn't get to see me turn 20. i'm sorry i failed you and my bakery isn't open! i'm sorry you died the way you did! i'm sorry for all the times i was mean to you as kids! i'm sorry i cry myself to sleep every night! i'm sorry i hate the person who is supposed to be just like you! i'm sorry cliff!"

my head was pounding. my chest was aching so bad that i thought i was having a heart attack. it was never supposed to be this way.

"i'm sorry." i whimpered with what little voice i had left. latching my arms around the grave. begging for my brothers arms to wrap around me again.

-

"i'm happy that our management let us have the week off tour to come back to castro for your birthday." james said. body strewn over my moms couch.

i smiled slightly. "yeah me too." i said. scrunching the rain water out from the ends of my hair. that's the thing i like about james. he doesn't ask questions.

he sat up and looked at me. "any plans?" he said. picking up and knocking back the bud light that was set on the coaster.

i shrugged. "no." he smirked at that. "cmon, me and the boys wanna give you something, your parents too." he said. i faked another smile. "okay then hetfield surprise me with a nice dinner but don't tell me where we're going!" i faked enthusiasm.

"yes." he said. jokingly fist punching the air as he laid back down on the couch, bringing the bottle with him.

i glanced at him one last time before making my way back down the hall to my room. "i'm taking a nap. don't let the others bug me when they get back from the store!" i said with my back to the blonde. "you got it shorty."

that was the last ounce of happiness i felt that day. my bedroom door shut and i lost the ounce. the sound of the loose screw on my fan that was on full blast, the quiet sounds of birds chirping next to my window.

i kicked the doc martens off of my feet. collapsing on my bed and waiting for more tears to fall. they never did. i guess i'd used them all already.

as i adjusted myself on the comforter, the pillow that was about to fall off my bed knocked one of the many picture frames i had on the dresser down.

reaching over and adjusting it, the people in the camera lenses making my chest seize once again.

it was me, the big number 15 balloons behind me, the giant cake with the candles bright resting in front of me.

the words, "happy birthday cora!" etched in red frosting.

and the girl in the photo was beaming. she was so happy. and her brother was right next to her, hugging her as she blew the candles out.

i looked at the girl in the photo.

and realized that she had no idea.

back from my little break! sorry for not updating but i hope you all loved this chap.

vote. comment. and follow!