Insufficient

Chapter 21 - Catch it and Keep It

Juliana's POV

When I woke up, it wasn't pleasant. I mean, it was, but it wasn't. I was aware that I'd had an unpleasant dream, but I wasn't sure when, or of what. Not just that, but I felt groggy, and foggy, and just bad in general. And even worse, my freaking thumb was in my mouth.

What am I? Three? Absolutely not. I'm fifteen, not five. I don't know why I've been acting so weird lately, but it needs to stop. Especially since I'm leaving soon. I'll get my ass kicked if I act like this at home.

I went outside to get some fresh air, and because it seemed like the easiest escape. Once out there, I see Justin and Hunter sitting on the ground underneath the swings of the playground. Hunter notices me first, sending a smile in my direction. I try to return one, but I'm sure it comes out as more of a grimace.

Justin notices after he looks up, presumably to say something to Hunter, and finds him still looking at me.

I notice Justin look, and send a more genuine smile his way, but my smile drops when he just narrows his eyes on me, and turns back to the grapes, apples, cheese and crackers on his paper plate.

I'm not sure why that had such an effect on me, but it completely ruined my mood more than it already had been. In retrospect, what if it wasn't even about me? Maybe he's just having a moment. What if he's just mad? I mean, I took Hunter's attention. Maybe they were having an important conversation, and he didn't like that I interrupted it.

But what if he's mad at me? Maybe I did something to upset him. He doesn't like me anymore, does he? I did something to upset him. But what? Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I'm so fucking stupid. I can't even remember what I did to make my cousin mad at me. Maybe it was something I did yesterday.

Yeah, maybe. I'll talk to him. I'll apologize. Yes, that's what I'll do. Apologising makes everything better. You can never go wrong with a good old fashioned 'I'm sorry.'

But what do I apologize for? You can't have a good apology if you don't even know what to apologize for. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid girl.

These are the thoughts that continued to spiral through my mind as I walked through the wooded path away from the house. I ended up walking all the way back to the stream I had found this morning.

Sitting down, I kneel by the water, watching little tadpoles and little pools of fish swim around, avoiding one another. It was weird. Even though they were in the same vicinity, the two completely avoided the other. Like neither one wanted to get close to the other.

I'm not sure how long I sat there before I heard it. I don't think it was more than a few minutes, really. It was mainly that long because at first I thought I was hearing something. Like when you hear a high pitched buzzing and you're unsure if it's just in your head, or if everyone else heard it also.

It was like that, except it was more of a whine. And it was so faint I barely heard it, even when concentrating.

When I finally admitted to myself that I was in fact, not hearing things, I did the only thing an idiot can do in this situation, and I followed it.

I spent a few minutes walking around aimlessly in small circles, observing my surroundings a little closer to see if I could pinpoint where the whine was coming from. I was almost at the point of giving up when across the stream, I spotted a small, light brown patch that did not go with the scenery.

I looked around, trying to see if there was a way to cross the stream without getting my socks yet.

Cause wet socks = eww.