Escaping Death

Chapter 60

Solana

Coming home was almost as painful as I had expected it to be, but I was wrong about the underlying sources of that pain.

I usually brace myself for the usual sense of not belonging, the sense of being hated and blamed, outcasted. This time, though, I've learned that my sense of not belonging, of not having a place or a purpose is not unique to me.

Each of my siblings has expressed their own sense of directionlessness, uselessness. I've felt selfish ever since, soaking in my own sorrows not once considering the toll their responsibilities take on them. And then I felt guilty for feeling selfish because their suffering shouldn't negate mine — I'm allowed and entitled to my feelings.

More unexpectedly, though, was how guilty I felt watching Ace and Alec going at one another, or constantly waiting for Beta Runidar or his wife Mia to demand I leave.

It's hard to come to terms with the fact that I might have been wrong all these years about the people closest to me back then. I thought leaving was the best option. I could relieve the Grove of my presence whilst searching for Hunter and seeking justice for myself.

Well...I found him.

I found him, and my mate, and three other guys who have put up with my bullshit and penchant for violence, who have gone arguably above and beyond to keep me safe — and happy.

It's been so long since I've been happy I almost didn't recognize the feeling. Every time my chest tightened or my heart fluttered, it was them and their stupid banter, their stupid smiles, and their stupid affection. Breaking down the fortress around my heart brick by brick.

The last of the wall is crumbling as Dean, Tate, and I barrel towards my suite. I know Ace saw us leave. Just as he kept an eye on me, I kept an eye on him, needing to know where he was throughout the night, needing the comfort that his proximity brings me.

And if I'm very honest with myself... needing his permission. I know I'm free to make my own choices, he's made that clear from day one. But I don't think it's naive, wishful thinking on my part when I say that things have been shifting for us.

I don't need his permission, but I want it.

I don't need his approval, affection, or touch...but I want it.

I don't need to be kept. I don't need to be claimed.

But...

"You look tired, Sunshine," Dean lands behind me on the balcony. His body presses up against my back and his lips skim the exposed skin of my shoulder. "Why don't I run you a bath?"

I spin slowly in his arms, resting my hands on his chest as he continues to pepper my neck in kisses. My hands drop of their own accord down to his waistband where my index fingers hook themselves inside his belt loops.

His lips blaze a trail along my jaw and down to my mouth. When our lips connect I can feel the heat from his inner flames building, and the bulge growing behind his zipper when I tug at his belt loops bringing our hips together.

Dean groans into my mouth deepening the kiss. He shivers every time I run the pad of my thumb down the length of his hardness. He owns my tongue, lapping at me, tasting me, teasing me.

I manage to undo his belt and unbutton and unzip his pants before he laughs lightly against my lips and pulls his hips away. My lips chase after his when he breaks away from me followed by a rush of cool air replacing the warmth of his body near mine.

My heavy lids flutter open to find that Tate has pulled Dean backwards onto one of the benches on my balcony and is fast at work securing him to it at the wrists and ankles.