Blood Means Everything

FOURTEEN

My life has been a never-ending spiral of horrible things. My mother died when I was only five, and my stepfather abused me. I never had a break. I prayed every day my life would change or end. No matter how much I prayed, the beatings got worse. When I was ten, I slowly realized there was no God. If there is a God, he's a cruel God.

Then I met Silas. He made me feel like having a father, like someone who truly cared for me and loved me for who I was and not who they could make me or who they wished I was. He died, and I was all alone again. I met my brothers, my real father, and Saint, and then I had Astrea. I believed nothing could go wrong and that my life was finally perfect, but it was too good to be true.

My daughter was kidnapped, and they killed my father. It broke me for months, and then I was okay. For the longest time after that, I believed nothing was going to go wrong. I was so wrong. Raul came back, and with him came cancer and a baby.

Nothing compares to the feeling you get when your worst fear, the person you've been afraid of your whole life, comes back to haunt you. I was once again living in fear. Life is hard. My life has been difficult since before I was even born.

I never wanted that for Astrea, but now her mom has cancer, and she has to worry about whether I will survive it. Ever since I came back from the hospital last month, I've been struggling to even get out of bed. The chemotherapy is so draining, and the pregnancy makes it even worse. I'm so tired every day, and I'm constantly throwing up my food. For fuck sake, I'm so pale.

I have no idea how much longer I can do this.

"momma," Astraea whispers, walking into my room. I quickly wipe my tears, looking up at her. "Hey sweetie," I whisper, my voice horse and scratchy. She smiles at me, sitting beside me. "Uh, Dad wants to know if you want to sit in on the meeting," she says cautiously. I sighed, "Yeah, tell him I will be down in five," I said, and she quickly nodded before running off.

I finally muster up the strength to peel myself off my bed and slowly reach my wardrobe. I stare at the clothes before deciding on a simple black dress. I walk over to my jewelry box and pull out a necklace with a sun pendant and my wedding ring. I slide them on, taking a glance in the mirror.

I sighed. This is not how I imagine pregnancy should be. But here I am with chemotherapy treatments and morning sickness every day.

I take a deep breath before heading downstairs. I open the door to the meeting room. "Madam," everyone says in unison, staring at me as I walk in. Saint smiles at me warmly, nodding towards my seat. I take my seat, feeling a little more at ease. "It's good to see you, Madam," one of the female soldiers says, smiling at me. I smile back. "It's good to be here."

We start the meeting with a discussion on the latest battle strategies and how we can use them effectively. Everyone speaks up their ideas and opinions as I listen attentively.

"Can I speak to you guys privately?" Astraea blurts out, sprinting into the room. "What's wrong?" Saint asks, standing up. "Uhm, something happened," she whispers, tears pricking in her eyes. My heart stops as I stand up, heading for the door without another word. Saint follows behind.

" What's wrong? " I ask.

"Uhm, Nick sent Kai a video of me and him in the car, but in the video, his hand is moving on my thigh, and that did not happen, I promise. I dont know how he did it, but he sent it to Kai," she sobs, tears streaming from her face.

"Kai did something in return," she whispers, staring at the ground.

"What did he do?" Saint asks, placing a hand on her shoulder. "He and his friends went down to Nick's father's houses and bombed them. Nick and his father have now declared war on the German mafia," she says, hugging me. "I'm going to fucking kill Nick," Saint mouths to me.

I nod my head in agreement, tightening my hug with Astraea.