Turning A New Leaf

Eleven

Krist would have been lying if he said he wasn't glad to be back home. They'd swapped his bed for Atira's and had taken his old one to the dump.

After dropping the U-Haul trailer, they went to Bill and Linda's to visit and bring Rocco home. Linda was eager to discuss the wedding with them. Rocco darted outside as soon as Atira's Subaru pulled into the driveway. "Dad! Atira!" he shouted, running towards them, barefoot in the ran. Krist swooped him up into his arms, "Bruh, where are your shoes?"

"Sorry, I forgot," he smiled sheepishly.

He wanted to lecture him about bare feet but reminded himself Rocco was only four and just elated to see him. "I'm happy to see you, bro," Krist told his son, kissing him on the forehead. "Guess what? Atira's gonna be living with us for good now."

Rocco looked over his father's shoulder, "No goin' back to Saddle?" He'd had trouble pronouncing Seattle but Krist and Atira thought "Saddle" was too cute to correct.

Atira smiled, "Nope, no going back to Saddle."

"And Jacques too?"

"Jacques is staying with us too," she told him.

Krist opened the front door to his mother's house, greeted by the aroma of various herbs and spices. Whatever she was making smelt bomb as hell.

"Damn, what smells so good?" Krist called out to her.

"I'm making gumbo!" She replied, emerging from the kitchen, and wiping her hands on a hand towel. "It should be done in another forty-five minutes or so if you guys are hungry."

"I'm hungry," Atira replied enthusiastically.

Rocco led Krist over to his train table while Atira went to chat with Linda in the kitchen. He pointed out the new train he and his Grandpa Bill had picked out at the hobby store and showed him all the little buildings they'd added to the table.

Krist beamed down at his son as he watched him point to the new race car track and grandstands complete with miniature people that had been to the table. Bill had built the entire table by hand and even made hills and mountains out of clay.

Seeing the kind things Bill did to make Rocco happy caused Krist to feel immense guilt for the way he behaved towards his stepfather when he was younger, even before he'd fallen into drug addiction.

It wasn't an excuse but Krist had been so fucking angry all the time. He was angry at his dad for walking out, he was angry at his mother for remarrying, and he was angry at Bill for trying to play the role of a father. He was angry at everyone and everything. All the time.

And after all the bullshit he put his mother and stepfather through, they somehow had forgiven him and even wanted him in their lives. They'd done so much for him in the time since Rocco had come into their lives. Krist wished there was more he could do to repay them for the ill he had caused them, the favors, or something. They simply told him that seeing him mature into a responsible man was repayment enough.

"Rocco loves his trains, doesn't he?" Bill remarked from behind Krist,

Krist jumped, startled, not expecting him. He rose to his feet and smiled, "He does, I think you might like them even more though."

Bill laughed, "I loved trains when I was his age," he gazed at the train table, "I always wanted something like this growing up but never got one, I am glad Rocco enjoys it. It's been enjoyable piecing it together with him."

Krist's eyes met his stepfather's, "I appreciate all you do for Rocco, and my stupid ass, too. It means a lot to me."

"It's really nothing," Bill told him.

"It is though, after all the shit I've done to you and my mom. For real, I feel like a piece of shit for everything," Krist found himself feeling emotional and diverted his attention back to the train table.

Bill gave him an awkward pat on the shoulder, "The past is the past, Krist, don't beat yourself up over something that you aren't any longer. You've grown into a good father and a great man. I know we had some rough patches when you were growing up, but I'm proud of who you've become."

Krist chuckled, "Rough is putting it kindly. I made both y'alls life hell."

Bill nodded, "I wasn't going to say that but yeah, I'd say a little bit."

The two men laughed uncomfortably at the brutal truth. Krist had been a huge source of tension in Bill and Linda's marriage, to the extent that Bill had brought up divorce before Krist had been sent to live with his biological father.

As a teenager, Krist had felt that Bill was being unreasonable but later understood how hard it must have been having an out-of-control kid, who wasn't his, destroying his house, doing drugs, and getting caught up in tweaker bullshit like car prowling. Krist wasn't so sure if he'd want to deal with that crap from his own kid, let alone someone else's.

"It blows my mind that you're going to be a married man any day now," Bill said.

"Crazy, right? I honestly can't wait," Krist admitted. "I know everyone keeps telling me to slow things down with Atira...I dunno, man, I just spent way too much time doing the whole live fast, die young kind of thing and I'm just ready for life to be slow. Like, all I want is to just settle down with her and do the family thing. Fuckin' sucks doing it on my own and Rocco not having a mom figure in his life."

Bill nodded, studying Krist's face, "I hear you," he said, choosing his words carefully. "I know we are long past the point where telling you to slow it down with her is irrelevant and I'm not going to tell you that. I hope that you and Atira have a successful marriage and you feel like you've found what you're missing. One thing I learned as I got older, is that if you are unhappy within yourself that you cannot expect someone else to fix it. I know you and Atira love one another but I hope that you aren't rushing into this with the idea that having her as your wife will fix you. Does that make sense?"

Krist nodded and gazed down at his sneakers. Bill was right, even if it was a hard pill to swallow.

"Look, I'm not trying to get you down, I think Atira is a great girl and she's always been a positive influence on your life and I know you live her. I just worry that you might be trying to fill a void in yourself that only you change," Bill said.

"I understand. You know, obviously, you know, I've rushed into relationships before because I thought having someone would make me happy or whatever, and it didn't. I just feel like since Rocco has been here, I want something serious and stable-"

Rocco tugged on the hem of Krist's white tee shirt, "Hey, Dad!"

Krist glanced down at the little boy, "Hold on just a second, Bud," He diverted his attention back to Bill, "I'm not going to this marriage thinking that she can fix me or like I need her to be happy. I mean, I do feel like having Atira as my wife will complete things, like making us a complete family or whatnot-"

"Dad, watch!" Rocco interrupted again, a mischievous smile on his face.

"Bro, c'mon just one more second, ok?" Krist looked back to Bill, "I just like having her around. She's different than my other girlfriends and she encourages me to be something better."

Rocco ran halfway up the stairs and pressed his face between the railing, "Daaaaaad," he called.

"I'm watching, what's up, bro?" Krist said.

Rocco jumped off the stairs, skipping five or six, and landed on his butt. "See what I can do?"

"That's cool but you're gonna hurt yourself doing that shit," he replied, helping his son up off the floor.

The boy grinned, "No I'm not," he replied before darting into the kitchen.

Krist looked at Bill, eyes wide, "That kid is gonna give me a damn heart attack one of these days."