All Hail the Dark Lord, Or Something Idiotic Like That

The Talk pt2

A/N: Not my story! Original available on ao3

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"Love you too, Moody," Harry grinned at him as he walked by to pay for his supplies, getting a swat to the back of his head for the effort.

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A tall figure shuffled into the room causing Harry to look up from where he was reading his blood magic book (glamoured as a quidditch highlights book) and cuddling with a sleeping Sephie in the sitting room. Everyone had been really good about her joining the house, except Crookshanks who refused to be in the same room, but he planned to wear the large, orange cat down. Molly Weasley thought the kitten was disturbing, but still gave her some scraps from cooking occasionally when she was in the kitchen. Ginny and the twins were both set on the thinking she was either adorable or interesting respectfully.

Regardless of their feelings, Harry still hadn't told Ron and Hermione exactly what she was yet. He wanted them to get used to her a little more, then he'd fill them in. They were still more than a little freaked out whenever they saw him without his glamour, a pet inferius was asking a bit much of them at the moment. Overall, she was a fairly normal cat thanks to Percy's exceptional skills with soul magic. Harry was hiding what she was fairly easily, aided by a small glamour he cast on her each night to hide her glowing red eyes that he still thought was just the coolest thing ever.

"Hey Siri...?" He asked the man standing just inside the room and who looked truly awkward and embarrassed while he shifted weight from side to side in front of him. "Can I help you?"

"Here!" Sirius tossed a thick pamphlet onto the couch beside Harry before he plopped into the armchair in a dramatic topple. Harry glanced around, but they were alone in the room, so this must be something the man had sought him out for.

Shaking his head at his godfather in bemusement, Harry put down his book and picked up the pamphlet to look through without disturbing the inferius. "Er...I don't think this is what Remus meant by giving me a sex talk...I don't think you're supposed to outsource it to a pamphlet...where did you even get this? It might even be a little too informative."

Harry chuckled as he flipped through the extremely detailed pamphlet that was almost clinical in its explanations...the moving pictures were just a little too much in Harry's opinion though. Really, that might have traumatized him a bit as an actual fifteen-year-old. He had to admit, he was a little sad if Sirius wasn't going to attempt an actual talk. The amusement alone was so worth it.

"I get the feeling you're already fairly informed about all this...I'm sure your friend Hermione made you read up on it, or Madam Pomfrey did a talk, or something based on how not embarrassed you are about everything," Sirius gave an exasperated wave of his hand at the pamphlet. "I had Dora pick that up at St. Mungo's just in case though. I'm happy to chat about it and answer questions, but I doubt we need to do the full talk."

"Hmm..." Harry hummed as he flipped though. "This is all wizards. What if I wanted to sleep with a muggle?" He asked, not giving up yet on getting his godfatherly talk.

Sirius huffed and rolled his eyes. "Don't use magic and wear a condom. You might not be able to catch any muggle diseases, but you don't want to be a jerk about them being concerned you might have something. Besides that, everything is the same."

"I'm actually pretty happy with my person anyway. I'm not looking to trade. I did get hit on when we went to Diagon the other day though. It was quite amusing," Harry chuckled and put down the pamphlet to focus in on the other man.

Sirius ran a hand down his face and sighed. "Merlin, you're 15, I thought it would be a long time from now before I had to have these talks with you," he grumbled. "You're too young for people to be hitting on. If a man is hitting on you, then assume he's a creeper or someone dangerous since you're only 15. Hex him and run if at all possible."