This Time I'll Hang, Close the Door (Kellin Quinn) {Book 1}

Chapter 38. Getting Better For You

A/N: This is a short filler chapter. Sorry if I disappoint you. :( Also, please read the A/N at the bottom. Thank you.

Getting Better For You

Song: Just The Way You Are (Cover) by Pierce The Veil

~Summer~

"I know you're upset, but this will be really good for you. We'll go get our hair done, our nails done, call up some friends, and tomorrow we are gonna go to the studio to record. I'll try to make these next few days extra fun for you!" Blu exclaimed as we walked through the mall to Stephanie's, the hair place where Blu gets the purple put in her blinding blond hair. After that we were going to go shopping and then eat dinner with our girl friends. She is right. It's best to take my mind off of things. 

"What should I do with my hair? New style? Dye it? Cut it all off?" I asked as we walked in. No one was waiting to get haircuts or anything. Good, I hate waiting. 

Blu chuckled. "Well, you've had straight black hair since I met you. You could get a whole new look. Like, curl your hair and add some color to it. Add your favorite color."

What is my favorite color? Not black or gold, that's for sure. Yeah, I love those colors, but would I want gold in my hair? No. I know that I don't want to dye it all a whole other color, maybe the tips. I've never had my hair dyed before. I might as well start easy. What about red? I love that color. Red makes me think of red roses (my favorite flower), Christmas (my favorite holiday besides my birthday), and it's sexy. I need to feel good about myself and the way I look. Why not have sexy red and black hair instead of showing off my body? 

We sat down in chairs next to each other. We told the hairdressers what we wanted. Blu liked my idea. She was only touching up the purple in her hair. 

As our hair was being transformed, well mine at least, I looked down at my hands. My fingernails were short and covered in a thin coat of clear polish. I examined the rose tattoo on the side of my left hand. Then at the K on my left ring finger. The finger that was bare of an engagement ring. 

What was I going to do about my K tattoo? Were Kellin and I actually over? I mean, of course we weren't getting back together soon, if at all, but what if someday? I didn't want to get it removed or anything, but would Kellin remove his? I did kind of stomp on his heart. He probably hates me. 

It took a while but soon enough our hair was done. Looking in the mirror, I saw the change and was frightened immediately. Change will be good for me, but it's also scary. I've always had the same hairstyle. Long, straight, and naturally black with side bangs. 

Why is it that change scares me when I change the color of my hair but not when I get covered in tattoos, get a wrist piercing, barely wear any clothes (and when I do they are tight as hell), and scream like I'm on fire in my songs? Maybe because my hair change is quick and the other changes happened throughout a seven month time scale. 

Anyway, my hair (which had grown long again and was back at my waist) was trimmed at least two inches, was curly, and from the shoulders down it was a bright red. There was now more red in my hair then black. Weird…

Blu smiled at me as we walked out of the salon and into some shoe place next to it. Shoes, huh? This girl knows how to cheer me up. 

"So I was thinking, we should get some new kicks for tour in June," she mumbled, slowly stalking down an aisle of combat boots. 

I nodded. I don't need anymore shoes, especially with my dogs chewing on some of them. But… what can buying a pair of sneakers to wear on stage do? 

I walked down an aisle filled with sparkly heels and cute wedges. I picked up a pair of white heels with a little fake white flower at the toe. They were perfect for…

If it was a week in the past I probably would have bought them. But I don't need them now. Now isn't a week in the past. The wedding is off, Kellin and I are no longer together, and I don't need white shoes that would be perfect for a wedding. 

I sighed and took my eyes off the shoes. I should stop making myself feel bad. Today is supposed to be a distraction with my best friend. And a change. New hair, new clothes, and new thoughts that aren't about looking skinny or Kellin. 

"Everything has beauty…" I mumbled to myself. That's what Mandy told me to tell myself. It's true. I tell it to fans all the time. And to Carolyn. Which, by the way, she's gotten better with her self harm and makes me feel better about myself. She's a good friend to my and girlfriend to Zack. 

I must seem like such a terrible person to look up to. Fans call me their hero. They've told me so much about how my lyrics have saved them, and this is how I repay them. By not listening to my own words when I say that you're beautiful just the way you are. 

I'm better now. I am. 

I gotta get better. For the fans who look up to me. For my mom who can't lose me to myself. For my best friends who helped me make it this far. For my band, my tour family. 

For Kellin, even if we aren't together. I want to get better for him, and he wants me to get better. 

That's what I should be thinking about, not wedding shoes. Whether he hates me or not, I am getting so much better for him.