The Nowhere Girl

34. Take a Chance on Me

[Jason Todd]

Jason shoves his hands in the pockets of his grey sweatpants, he can't decide whether it's from the cold or to hide the trembling. Raindrops pore down outside the window as the dark clouds loom above.

He hates storms.

It isn't the rain; he actually doesn't mind the rain. The way it smells. The way it pores down the glass, casting shadows inside is kind of beautiful. Nor is it the dark menacing clouds, he thinks of them as a blanket for the whole city, and when it's completely dark the city lights look like they're glowing.

It isn't the lightning either, he can't get struck inside a building. Although there are times (and he will never admit to this) when he would be at the height of an anxiety induced panic and wonder if he will get struck. Maybe he deserves to get struck, because he's something dark and evil that woke up with Jason Todd's memories. He knows it isn't logical. Jason tries to stay away from those thoughts, to bury those fears as deep as he can. In the end, it isn't the lightning, he can deal with that. It is the...

BOOM!

Jason jumps with the familiar rush of adrenaline and growing panic as the loud rumble rolls through the sky way above.

Thunder. It is the thunder. The clap, the rumble, the way it shakes the ground. It is the way that when the storm is close it sounds like it's all around you. The sound stirs something inside if Jason, leaving him with shaking hands and a growing sense of dread.

It reminds him too much of the explosion that took his life, of the last thing he heard before he woke up in a coffin. He hates it, hates the way it can break down his walls and hit just the right nerve. The way it can take him back to that moment where he was just a scared kid who died realising Bruce couldn't save him.

Jason places the living room of the new safe house. Joker had found the last one and damn near killed Blue. He debates what his next move will be. He doesn't want to go out, but he doesn't want to stay here. The power might go out, which is yet another trigger Jason is trying to avoid.

It isn't that he minds living without power, he had done that for most of his childhood. Either his parents where behind on rent because they spent all their money on drugs and the landlord shut their power off, or after, when Jason was on the streets. It is the moment the power went out that bothers him. The thunderclap will echo, and then suddenly everything will go black and deathly quiet. Which yet again reminds him of his death. Those are the last things he heard and saw. A boom, then nothing.

Then he woke up clawing at the lid of a dark coffin, devoid of sound, save his own screams.

It, in a way, feels like one trauma transitions into the next. His triggers make him feel childish and stupid, and he understands why Bluey's in denial. Jason knows it isn't logical, that it's all in his head. It feels real to him though.

He hears the shower start running - she's awake again. She hardly sleeps, and when she does, she's plagued with nightmares. Joker poisoned her, leaving her convulsing in his arms, at deaths door. Then she killed him. For what he'd done to her and Jason. It's been a week, but it feels like he's a kid again: this is his fault. Like his mum.

Jason slumps against the couch and pulling his knees to his chest as another clap of thunder cracks the sky open and the wind hurls around the walls like fifty angry dragons trying to get in.

He can't breathe.

And his chest aches like he's been stabbed.

Jason leans his head on the couch checking his pockets, but he's unable to find the packet of cigarettes. No. Then there are the memories, the flashbacks he's trying so hard to keep out his mind. He whimpers. Fucking whimpers.