The Nowhere Girl

45. I Love You

I wake with the sun. Dawn is breaking through the window. Gotham has a misty, haunted air. I must've bitten into the side my cheek in the night, because the taste of blood lingered in my mouth.

Jason's head rest in the crook of my neck, one of his arms wrapped snugly around my waist. I settle back into the mattress, and it's like every time I see him, he gets more and more attractive. Holding him close is an instinct. One that I trust. Tracing over a scar on his shoulder, I shut my eyes and let my ears do the work, I can hear his soft breath rise and fall with his chest. I feel safe with his grip on me.

He squeezes me and nestles further into me. "Hey," he says. His morning voice is even deeper and huskier than normal.

I smile, feeling the heat in my cheeks. I look down at Jason. His eyes are still closed, and his hair is a mess. "Morning sunshine," I mumble into his hair.

"What time is it?"

"No-thank-you-o'clock," I say. "What? You worried you're going to miss a shift at work Mr. Crime Lord?"

A small smile tugs at Jason lips. "I don't really do that anymore. Fulltime Hood, I guess. B pays the bills and I get to lie here with you."

I wonder if he will be like this for the rest of our lives. If we stay together. Maybe I could get a bit of land in Kansas and start a cattle farm. Jason could do whatever he does as Red Hood, globetrotting with the Outlaws. We could settle and start a family. I feel like he would be such a good dad.

Oh shit.

Do I want kids?

"Have you thought about being a librarian or an author?" I offer.

"I've thought about it," he says half-heartedly. "What about you?"

"I don't know. If you asked me that a couple of months ago, I would've said "run the farm" or something. Maybe take a course in animation or move to Kansas now."

He places a kiss on the top of my head. "You should do something with your drawings, like a graphic novel."

"Well, with my hands and your head we could be famous," I say, taking hold of his hands and kissing them. "We could go into partnership. My drawings in your books. How much more exciting would adult books be if they had pictures in them?"

"So much better than plain old words, we could be the first husband and wife . . ." He stops suddenly, realising what he said. "Forget I said that," he mutters.

Jason moves, lying between my legs, resting his head on my stomach he takes out a cigarette and lights it. He takes a deep breath in, then lets it go with his chest puffing out. I gently and slowly run my fingers through his silky black hair. I can feel him starting to relax like the world after a wild storm.

"I think you'd be a lovely husband," I say. "Gita Todd; it has a nice ring to it."

He sneaks a look over to me and shrugs. "Bet you'd be good with kids and all."

At that moment, that very second, I picture myself with Jason Todd for the rest of my life. "Oh, I want a boy. Or a little girl. Definitely one or the other. And I want our kid to only have one name. Like Katia or Mathew."

He turns over, pulling himself up and stubs the cigarette out in the ashtray on the bedside table. His face is set, worry lines between his brows and I kiss his head. "What's wrong, luv?"

"My pile of shit father was arrested and died in jail," he mutters, resting his head on her chest. "I mean, I don't have a lot of strong role models to draw off for Frank."

"Hey." I slide a hand to his cheek, lifting his chin. "Look at me. You are not your father. And I'm not my mother. Besides, I will never, ever let our child be named Frank."

As much as I like Frank Castle, it's not what I would name my kid.

"But isn't that how it always works? Like in Star Wars, men are destined to become their fathers?"

"Jaybean, luv, my point is, kids, they give us a chance to be better than we are. Better than we used to be."

"I love you."

"I know."

Meme of the day