Silent Shadows: Book Two - The River of Secrets

XIII

She was nothing again. It was such a strange feeling, when her consciousness ran away and hid because it'd encountered something rising and found it too frightening. Rising. What was it, always rising? 

She turned...no, she didn't turn. To turn was to move, she felt she didn't have a body here. But something was rolling into view. Rolling in splashes, rolling with the colours of a sunset. She could see a the birth of a sunset. Then she heard another voice. For once, the voices weren't talking about "Shimmerpaw." 

"Featherkit! I was really dumb. I was...a coward. But I won't be a coward anymore! I'm gonna be brave, okay?" A cheerful, high-pitched voice yelled. That voice, huh. Why does it sound familiar?

"She's gotta be around here," the voice mewed. She felt she knew these words, in some way it felt as if she'd fished a strange key from the deepest pit of the ocean. "Hey! Featherkit! I know you're-"

The words were cut off, and with it, all the sound in the world.  

Deafening silence. 

The she-cat found herself abruptly snapped away from her dreamlike state by a piercing scream, an agonized wail more tortured than the scream of dying prey. 

Instantly shocked by her own sudden awakening, she held in feelings of physical sickness. That scream... it replayed in her head for a few moments, echoing as if her mind was a cave.

I know that voice.

-

Silentdawn and her companion had been with the Marthanoirí for quite some time now. 

Over the horizon, she'd seen the sun rise and set twice. This place was small, yet it felt so warm after being in isolation so long. It was like welcoming the sugary taste of Summer after spending moons in the snow with only the biting cold for company. It was strange, the way she didn't truly realize how much she loved Summer until it was gone. 

It was strange, now. She wasn't alone anymore. Stormray was here with her, she'd found them. The Marthanoirí were here, she'd finally found a home of some sort in their camp. So why? Why did she constantly feel like she was missing something? The feeling was clinging to her back constantly. 

She suddenly caught a strange smell on the air. It instilled a sudden feeling of nausea within her, without explanation. As if the controls of her mind had escaped from her without her control, she suddenly found her body frantically searching around. Smoke?  

Then, she found everything around her flying into a maddened frenzy. The mere traces of smoke were deafening, and she found herself struggling suddenly beneath a rolling wave of nausea. She couldn't breathe. Somehow, as she frantically rushed out of the clearing and towards the den, she felt as if she was running away from living, violently rushing towards agonizing death. A million incomprehensible nightmares were coiling around her brain.

The scent of smoke had gone away, yet she could still feel it poisoning her lungs. Her stomach turned, until Silentdawn found herself overwhelmed with nausea. She vomited in panic. She couldn't take it anymore.

Her mind once again wandered. Soon, she found herself sobbing. She was in a dark, shadowed corner, soaked in her tears. Soaked in her filth and misery. No, stop it. I hadn't thought about that for a while now...go away! Leave me alone, leave me alone, leave me alone!

Why? Why am I still alive? She screamed out in desperation, yet her cries never reached past the walls of her mind. Why did I survive? I...I HATE this! I SHOULD'VE DIED, WITH EVERYONE ELSE!!!

She found herself picking at that scar again. It felt like a good distraction. She didn't want to hunt anymore, having another thing die in her claws felt too heavy. She thought about the incident that gave her the scar a bit more. Shimmerpaw. That was her I saw, wasn't it? She injured me, and I felt it, and it didn't go away. So she must've been there. She must've...

Or was she? 

She must've. Why? Everything that spoke out loud said the thing she wanted to be true was indeed true. But doubt was laughing in the corner of her mind, speaking poisonous words in such a teasing tone. 

Why was she thinking at all? Maybe this was her fault. Her fault for constantly trying to find an answer to her question. So why did she still do it?

She was startled out of her thoughts by a couple of footsteps. Stormray. The black cat stood at the entrance to the cave she'd hid herself in, staring at her blankly. "Silentdawn," they spoke quietly. "Come."

"Come?" she replied.

"Come," Stormray spoke again.

Quietly, she dragged herself out of the corner and pushed all her will into her paws.  She slowly followed them out from the shadows and into the clearing, feeling as though she was marching down into a disgusting swamp. Yet when she was once again out in the open, Silentdawn was shocked by a dreamlike sight. 

Those violet eyes and that smoky gray pelt were unmistakeable. Was she here? Or was this also false? Suddenly, she found herself inching towards the molly, wondering what she was even doing. "Hello," it slipped right out as she strode towards her. Why was she staring at her like a stranger?

"Shimmerpaw?" she spoke. Despite her initial confusion, her old acquaintance replied to the name with shock. 

"Is that...your name?" Shimmerpaw asked, perplexed. 

Silentdawn found herself bewildered. The she-cat was just playing a trick on her, wasn't she? It seemed like something she'd do. 

"I didn't know people like me were...here," Shimmerpaw spoke. 

Silentdawn masked her confusion and the concern swelling in her stomach with a shaky smile. "H-Hey, this isn't funny," she spoke. Why was she messing with her now? Like she'd ever care if someone else didn't find her stupid tricks funny.

"I found her," Stormray suddenly said. "Out in the wilderness." 

"What do you mean, like you?" she asked. "Look, I'll join in on your joke then."

"Things that...move, and talk too," Shimmerpaw said, once again saying it like she'd just opened her eyes for the first time. 

"She's not joking," Stormray spoke. 

No, Silentdawn thought. This feels strange. None of it's real, I bet. It'll disappear and then things will be...like they were.

Come on, now. Disappear. Please.

Please...

Go away...