Your Light in a World of Darkness - Minji x Hanni

Chapter 5: Kim Minjun

3rd person

Minjun's heart ached with a deep longing for a father figure, a yearning that intensified whenever he saw children his age playing with both their parents. 

The absence of his father's identity in his life was a void he couldn't fill, a question he couldn't bring himself to ask his mother, Minji, who was rarely available. He often wondered what his father was like, why he wasn't there with them, and if he would ever return.

On this particular day, Chaewon, Minji's sister, had agreed to take care of Minjun while Minji attended her classes and then went to work. 

It was already past when Minji should have returned from work, and Chaewon was growing increasingly worried. Minji had always wanted to be with her son, and it was unusual for her to be absent for so long.

"Shouldn't mommy be back by now?" Minjun's voice quivered with concern, a concern that mirrored Chaewon's mounting frustration. 

She tried to reassure him, but her anger towards Minji was a seething fire within her, threatening to consume her patience. She had her responsibilities, and Minji's absence was becoming unbearable.

Minjun's anxiety only intensified as the minutes ticked by. "Is mommy okay?" he asked, sitting on Chaewon's lap. She took a deep breath to calm herself down before replying, "Yes, she's alright, I'm sure. Don't worry."

Chaewon then offered to watch something on TV to distract Minjun. He nodded eagerly, mispronouncing her name as usual. Even though she found it endearing, she couldn't help but feel sad for Minjun, who deserved better than this uncertainty about his mother's whereabouts.

-

Minji had just completed her work for the day and was preparing to leave the office. As she walked towards the exit, she bid goodbye to her co-worker, Soobin, with whom she had been developing a friendship. Soobin smiled and said, "Bye, Minji!" before getting on his bike and leaving.

Just as Minji was about to leave, she reached into her pocket to retrieve her phone, but to her dismay, it was missing. Her heart began to race as she quickly patted down her pockets and searched through her bag, but her phone was nowhere to be found. She cursed under her breath, trying to remember where she could have left it.

Suddenly, she heard a voice behind her say, "Looking for your phone?" As she spun around, she saw Hanni Pham, a woman she had been trying to avoid. 

Hanni had a smirk on her face, and Minji felt a slight frown crease on her forehead. Embarrassed, she replied, "Oh, sorry, it must have fallen out of my pocket." Minji's voice was nervous as she spoke. Hanni's smile widened as she retrieved Minji's phone from her pocket.

"Here you go," Hanni said as she handed the phone to Minji. She then offered to give Minji a ride. Minji hesitated momentarily, her mind filled with thoughts of her son's safety. She wondered if she should accept the offer from someone she didn't trust. 

"No, I'm okay," Minji finally said, her voice firm. Her smile slowly faded as Hanni nodded and hummed. "Alright, I'll see you around," Hanni said as she waved and walked away.

-

"Where have you been, Minji Kim!" Chaewon's voice boomed with anger, and Minji flinched, her guilt and remorse washing over her. "I'm sorry, Chaewon, I've been running late," she stammered, desperately trying to reassure her sister. 

But Chaewon's eyes rolled in disbelief. "Minjun was worried sick. I tried distracting him, but he couldn't stop asking about you, Minji," Chaewon's words were a painful reminder of her shortcomings as a mother.

"I know that, Chaewon." Minji hissed, walking past Chaewon to her son. Minjun eyes widened when he realized Minji was home. "Mommy!" He exclaimed, running over to Minji. Minji smiled and ruffled his hair. "Hey Min." She said.

"Where have you been?" Minjun said, looking up to Minji. "Just a stressful day at work nothing big." Minji said, assuring Minjun. "Yeah sure, I'm leaving Minji. Call Haerin or that boy next door to look after Minjun." Chaewon scoffed, opening the front door. "Hell no, I'm not making Taesan or any guy take care of Minjun." Minji said, shaking her head at Chaewon.

"It would give him false hope, Chaewon," Minji said, her voice tinged with resignation and guilt. 

Chaewon knew Minji was right; Minjun always had this lingering thought about his father. Even when Minjun sees Minji talk to her classmates, he wonders if Minji is in a romantic relationship with them, boy or girl.

Minjun never really understood why his mother seemed so closed off from people. People aren't that bad, right? Everyone he met was friendly; some even gave him candy, which he gladly took, saying thank you after.

Minjun watched as Minji and Chaewon stared down. He didn't listen to their disputes because they always were about him. Was he the issue? Or was it Minji? Minjun never, in his four years of life, ever thought Minji was a lousy mother. He appreciated her so much. Minji is his favorite person, after all.

Well, close to being. Secretly, Minjun's favorite person was Haerin, his mother's best friend who always took Minjun on walks, ate with him, and even went to the beach. Minji never did those things for him.

Was that bad? Minjun never thought it was, but Chaewon always had something to say about that.

"Minjun are you okay?" Minji asked him, squatting to his level. Minjun made eye contact with Minji, preparing to say something. "Mommy, how come I see over kids with dads? I mean Mason and Ethan are always talking about how cool their dads are. What about my dad?" Minjun said, ever so innocently.

Minji didn't know how to reply; how much could she tell her young son? Should she leave it off or sit down with Minjun to discuss this?

In the end, Minji just left it off. "Well, Minjun, you shouldn't worry about that; not everyone has a dad or even a mom, like you. You know Ashley? She doesn't have a mom but her dad is very hardworking." Minji explained.

Minjun smiled sweetly at Minji, "Thanks, mommy." He whispered into Minji's ear, then ran into his room. Minji stared at the running kid, her thoughts all that Chaewon had said to her earlier.

Is Minji a good mother? When was the last time Minji spent time with her son?

About a week ago, Ethan's dad, Mark, told her that all Minjun could talk about was the extraordinary adventures that Haerin had taken him on. After that, Minji couldn't help but feel pain.

She wasn't ready for the stress of having a kid. She could've improved herself these past four years, but she never did.

Minji never did. She buried herself in the pain of her ex, ex-friends, schoolwork, and job.

Minji did all of that.

Minji ruined Minji.

Minji doesn't know who she is anymore.

Short chapter because school is lowkey stressful right not; sorry for the late update just really never got the chance to write lately