Tales from my heart

Stop chasing the high

I'll ask you for fire, so I can light my cigarrett.
And I know it's bad for me but what did you expect?
Why would I quit if it helps me so much?
I sit in my bed, waiting for your electric touch.
All I see is your faded ghost.
But when we talk, I love you the most.
After a night full of laughing and smiling
I realize that the whole time I was hiding.
Hiding from my true self.
Sitting alone in two cells.
I faked every single move,
scared that you wouldn't approve.
I asked you one time and you said
"Ofc I wouldn't be mad.
I think I'd even have a crush on you."
I responded "Is that really true?"
You laughed and kept the joke going,
so I felt confident in actually showing.
'Showing what?' You might ask.
Well, I simply took off the mask.
I told you the truth,
felt like a hero who could finally move.
But you saw a beast.
Could've acted nice at least.
You told me in my face
"You're disgusting. That's the case."
I started crying, left the room,
after that I texted you.
Said that it was all a phase.
I want to stay with you for all my days.
My windows shut, my light turned off,
Through my tears I kinda coughed.
I trusted you but now I see
I can't love bad people endlessly.
I gotta let go if it isn't good.
That's what I never understood.
If it feels nice but makes you bleed,
you just gotta get off the speed.
My limit's reached and now I know,
I just need someone that drives slow.
Who loves me for who I am
and doesn't hurt me, goddamn.
That's the bare minimum, isn't it?
Then why was it so hard to simply quit?
Quit your affection, which was all so fake,
our friendship was made to break.
But now I'm clean and I believe
this story made me realize that I was naive.
I shouldn't have chased the high,
when I knew that I couldn't fly.
I'll be more mindful about who I choose,
so I won't have to go back to the time I was misused.
The time I questioned my identity
and the friendship I thought would last for eternity.