Sunsets truly are different in every part of the world.
They most definitely were there.
In my short lasting stay in New Jersey,
My mind went to you.
How different things are,
Three years since I've heard of you.
I never thought of New Jersey,
I never thought how close it'd be to my destination.
I never thought how much you were in my thoughts.
Perhaps we were a bit too awkward for each other.
Perhaps there were differences among us that were
Just too strong for any compatibility.
Even then, I wonder where you are.
How you are.
Is the world still too corrupt for you?
Is your brother still 2,775.3 miles away from you?
What are your opinions on the current state of the world?
With whom do you side?
Part of me believes you'd side with the vulnerable—
You spoke of communism a lot.
I do wish that rebellious spirit of yours didn't get corrupted by law.
Walking through the streets of New York,
My hands were covered in leather gloves.
I tried to find back ones,
But my best bet were beige.
Just like my heart
Which I tried to darken then.
These covered hands held another—
They held her: Love.
My fingers laced with hers,
As they did once with you.
She held me close to her.
Had her arm wrapped around me.
I held her hands to keep her warm.
Blowing hot air into them—
Looking at her and realizing
This was what I felt for you.
My pale moonlight,
The feelings which I felt for you
Never ceased but remain dormant,
Or so, a certain version of them did.
They're not the same as they were
Three winter solstices ago.
Life imitated fiction
As I walked with her,
Side by side,
Into the busy city streets,
I knew I couldn't repeat the same mistakes
I did with you.
I'd lived this before
And so I held her close,
And I told her I loved her.
I told her daring things but
Perhaps not daring enough.
She's gentle and fierce,
Like you.
She's got this power over me
But this gentleness that allows me
To be vulnerable with her.
She's seen my tears,
Wiped them clean,
As she cried for me too.
And in her I see all the love I had for you
In a fictitious but,
in its own right,
Very true and raw.
As I laid beside her
I watched her sleep.
Her gentle snoring
Her peaceful stillness.
It all made sense,
Just how I had to meet you,
To get to her.
To not mess her up.
To not bring her in the darkness
That my mind still holds
But just enough
To be vulnerable
"Your eyes are like galaxies," I told her.
"They reflect every star ever born."
I still hold that true.
But unlike before,
Unlike how I was with you,
I encourage her to love others.
I encourage her to live for others.
These words are perhaps too vague
For the normal reader to understand.
But they're not meant for them,
Just you.
I returned to look for you.
Tempted to reach out.
But you are the past,
And I a forgotten memory, perhaps
So without causing any turmoil
In peace, your life shall remain
As my silence remains.
But much like you always left me chances,
Opportunities to find you,
I shall do the same:
If you ever want to say hi,
Clever enough you are to figure this out,
And find who this is.
If you ever want to say hi,
I will gladly accept thee.
And we can discuss,
Once again,
How corrupt the world truly is.
Best,
An old friend
