DOS GARDENIAS PARA TI

16. COMPILATION

november

Sunsets are different in the east.
With every flower that ever dies instantaneously,
Their life lingers far longer there.
Perhaps we too are like the fall, decaying flowers
So vibrant in color,
But still our fate remains the same:
We are destined to die.

Hear me, hear me,
How radiant you looked—
With a dress and your hair which you've allowed yourself to grow.
That Victorian essence of yours,
So delicate and yet so...
Poetic.
My Muse.

Along the rooftop we sat,
Overlooking the skyline of a city that
once seemed possible to see only in a dream.
You placed your hand on my back,
Whispered if I was okay. Gentle hands.
Gentle embrace.
Gentle winds, blowing through
Your curly black hair.
As I drank the poison I thought of how
It'd make me more flirtatious with you.

"It's a myth, what they say— about alcohol limiting your rationale," friend said.
"Really?"
At that moment, that theory proved true
For instead of flirting,
I thought how I didn't want to say the wrong things—
The bold things
That otherwise I'd never say
In the name of protecting your heart.

As we walked down the busy streets, you held my arm.
Balance was hard as I felt like I was in a dream
Stuck in the bliss of your scent
And the warmth of your embrace
"Watch your step," you whispered as you held my arm.
So loving and gentle,
I thought to myself then
How do I doubt my love for you?

And when we got to our temporary home at night,
I laid in bed besides you
I watched you as you slept, nearly sitting up
As you peacefully minded your business,
And I just watched and hugged my pillow
Wishing I could be careless and hug you instead.

Three weeks have gone by since then,
And I still miss you lying next to me.
How the sweetness of your voice was,
Whenever you asked:
"Can I sleep with you?"
Two beds.
But you decided to sleep with me instead.

And here we sit,
In a cafe, separated, back to our every day lives.
I watched as you broke eye contact,
Expressing yourself with intent feeling:
"I'm horrible at conveying my emotions," you mirrored.
"But I just know one thing..."

"If such thing as reincarnation exists,
Then I'm most definitely certain we've met before,"
I repeated weeks later,
Looking at her.
She smiled as she nodded in agreement:
"I agree. There's no way we've never met."

"I don't mind losing my friends," she said as she looked down. "If we grow apart, then I'll happily say
'That's life'. But you?" She whispered as she looked into my eyes.
"I want you in my life. . . forever," she smiled.

"Life has led me to you," I said as I looked out the window.
"Every heart ache, every bad friend,
Every decision... so precisely calculated...
To lead me to you."
She squealed, holding her cheeks,
Growing flustered as she usually did.
"You have to stop saying these things,"
She whispered.
"Otherwise I might actually fall in love with you."

Months passed...

january...

And I took your hand.
I just wanted to hold it.
And you let me.
When I looked at you,
I saw you looking back.
I was five glasses of wine in.
And a margarita...
And you, smiling sheepishly,
As you called me cute,
For just how tipsy I'd gotten.

"I have to get over you," I whispered in your ear.
"It's killing me..." I said.
"No," you scowled playfully as you held my arm.
"What if I don't want you to get over me?"
"Then you'd have me heartbroken for all eternity?
For a love I can never have?
I don't think you understand,
How obsessed I've been with
The idea of being something more
With you. With wanting to look
Into your eyes... and do things...
You've been in my mind all year,
And it hurts me..."
But you said nothing.
You only looked away.
Leaving me to wonder if you even heard me
Over the loud music.