The next day I was at my house. I didn't want to get out of bed, so I lay there and didn't get ready.
I'm very sad, almost crying. I didn't know what to do, I don't have anyone to talk to, I think...
— Sister, class is about to start!
I couldn't respond.
— Sister? - She went to my room and consequently sat on my bed.
— It is good too? What happened?
I still haven't been able to respond.
— Want to talk? You know that I love you and want the best for you.
— I...
you?
— I don't know...
— What do you mean?
— What it means to live.
— What do you mean?
— I want to learn to live.
— So let me help you, what else do you want to talk about?
— You know, a lot of people say I don't have emotions, I thought I didn't care about that, but it hurts me, I want to feel good, I want to feel emotions!
I started crying.
— I don't know what it's like to live!
— If you don't know what it is to live, learn to live . - Rin started holding my hand.
— But how do I learn this?
— The first step is to accept who you are.
— I didn't understand.
— I'm not a psychologist, but I feel like you first have to know who you are.
— Who am I? - I started crying even more.
— Yes, whoever you are.
— I'm Nagisa.
— Very well, what do you live for?
It's true, I still don't have the answer to this question. I had simply accepted that I wasn't going to be happy, that I simply denied all my thoughts that I could ever be happy. I repressed myself, I locked my heart. And now I'm like this. I couldn't continue like this, I have to find a way around this, I can be happy, I'm sure.
That said, I think I had the answer.
— I live to be happy, I want to be happy! - I started crying very loudly and talking very loudly.
— Very well, then let's learn to be happy. - Rin started hugging me.
— Can I be happy?
— You can, you can. - Rin started to stroke my hair.
— Guys, what's going on? - My parents came to my room worried. But Rin asked them to leave by waving her hand.
— I always denied my happiness, thinking that I didn't actually deserve to be happy!
— You deserve to be happy, Nagisa, you deserve it.
— Are you sure about that?
— I have total certainty in the world, my little sister.
— I want to be happy!
— You will be.
— I love you, Rin! You are my big sister !
— I love you too, my little Nagisa.
I calmed down a little and stopped talking loudly and crying.
— But how will I be happy?
— As I said before, accept yourself first and then do the things you like most, with the people you like most. Try to do new things that you've never done before, try to breathe new air and various other things!
— I am Nagisa, a 16 year old girl who is in her first year of high school.
— Continues.
— I'm going to be happy and accept myself as I am, I deserve to be happy, I know that I'm a little complicated with my feelings and what I feel, I also know that I can seem sad and depressed a lot of times, but I want to change that , I really want to change! I want to be happy!
— Very well sister, that's what I want to see. - She was still hugging me.
— I swear I will make you proud, big sister ...
— You always make me proud, little sister. - Rin kissed my forehead.
— Now I feel better, thank you very much!
— You're welcome, you can always talk to me!
— OK!
— Do you want to go to school?
— I want to!
— So let's go.
I got ready and simply left the house with Rin.
I will change, I will have more feelings. I will be alive, I will find my true color.
— They were late today. - Makoto said.
— We're almost late! - Ray said.
— I'm sorry! Nagisa and I had things to do.
— I understand.
Rin took my hand and held it very tight.
— So let's go?
— Rin...?
— I think you're more fragile, I want to protect you and make you feel comfortable around people, so let me do this - Rin whispered in my ear.
— Let's go. - I said.
We continued walking towards the school.
— They really became very close. - Makoto said.
— I agree, I didn't expect that. - Amane said.
— Some problem? - Rin said.
— None, we just commented, relax.
— Wait, did you notice that Nagisa has been smiling since Rin said something in her ear? - Ray said.
— I noticed it too! What did you say, Rin? - Yuta asked.
— You don't need to know!
— Speak quickly! Nagisa, what happened, why are you smiling? - Makoto asked.
— Is nothing! Shhh! - I put my finger in my mouth while I spoke.
— NAGISA!! - All four shouted at the same time.
Rin is the best sister anyone could have, I really love her so much and I love being her little sister.
YOU ARE READING
I want to know what color I am. Vol. 1
General FictionI didn't do the cover art! Nagisa is a first year high school boy with social anxiety and completely insecure. He has friends, but he doesn't trust them or himself. Nagisa also has strong signs of depression. His grades are good and his performance...
