Diary on The Shelf!

Chapter 33

THE ROOM's quietude was shattered by Halima's hesitant words, the air heavy with anticipation as she struggled to reveal her hidden truth to Lorna.

"I really hope you don't hate me for this Lo,"

Lorna's gaze sharpened, a knot of unease forming in her stomach as she sensed the weight of Halima's confession. She swallowed nervously and nodded. She was afraid anything she would respond with wouldn't possibly weigh the same.

Halima's voice trembled, "There's this guy who came to my family—he uh, he wanted to—" She exhaled shakily. "He wanted to marry me."

The revelation hit Lorna like a sudden gust of wind, disbelief mingled with a hollow ache in her chest. She fought to contain her emotions, realizing the depth of Halima's silence over the past weeks.

"Marry?" The word escaped Lorna's lips, her voice tinged with disbelief and a hint of dismay, unable to mask the shock at this unexpected revelation.

Halima nodded her expression a mosaic of conflicted emotions. "I was trying to end it. The engagement. That's why I've been distant. I couldn't tell you before, I was scared that you wouldn't want anything to do with me. But, I shouldn't have kept quiet."

Lorna's heart wrenched for Halima, yet her internal turmoil held her captive. She battled her emotions, a mix of disbelief, disappointment, and a gnawing sense of loss gripping her.

"I never imagined. . . I didn't. . ." Lorna's voice trailed off, her eyes reflecting a tangled mess of emotions as she struggled to come to terms with the reality of the situation.

Halima's eyes bore a weight of regret and uncertainty. "I'm really sorry Lo, I should have said something sooner. I didn't know how you'd react."

Lorna remained silent, unable to offer solace or words of comfort. The weight of Halima's revelation hung heavily in the air, leaving them both trapped in their internal conflicts, the room filled with unspoken emotions and a lingering sense of unease.

Lorna knew she was in no space to conclude, clearly, marriage was nothing to make light of. She could see the sadness in Halima's eyes. She must have been against it as she wanted to end it. Still, that didn't make it any easier to accept and move on.

"I wanted to accept your offer, I really did Lo, but not so soon."

Lorna felt a pang in her stomach, she asked tentatively. "Why not?" Okay, she was upfront with her request, moving in after just a few weeks? Come on, who was she kidding? Lorna knew Halima's reason would be justified, but it didn't mean it didn't hurt to think she wouldn't want to stay with her.

Halima drew in a shaky breath, her gaze dropping to the intricate patterns of Lorna's carpet. She might as well tell Lorna "My sister, she's g...she likes girls. She has a girlfriend. And what she faces, you can't imagine." Halima's fingers fidgeted, picking at imaginary threads, while her eyes remained fixed on the floor.

"The way my family treats her... She still comes home, but they barely acknowledge her. Some of my cousins have stopped talking to her altogether. It hurts her, I know it does, even though she doesn't let it show. But I can't face that, Lo. I just can't."

Her words were laden with guilt, her eyes reflecting the remorse as she observed every flinch and grimace that crossed Lorna's face. It wasn't solely about Halima's sister, however disheartening that was; it was the clash between her mother's insistence on marriage despite her daughter's objections that pained Lorna and Halima's feelings on her. She longed to be Halima's solace, to shield her from agony, to bring her joy, and to be her sanctuary.

Halima's heart raced; the mere thought of her family discovering her truth sent shivers down her spine. She foresaw the disappointment etched on her mother's face, and her father's inability to meet her gaze, mirroring how they couldn't face her sister, Ifrah, when she came out.

This time, it wouldn't just be one daughter, but two. The blame would weigh heavy on her parents, their families would condemn them, and shame would cast its long shadow. Could they even step foot in the mosque if word spread?

"Halima, I would never pressure you to come out to your parents. I understand the agony of not being accepted by your own family."

"I know that, but I'm terrified, Lorna. I'm scared that eventually, you'll want that, and I don't believe I can give you that much. It'll always be me hiding you, and you deserve more."

Lorna's jaw tightened. "Only I know what I deserve, Halima, and assuming isn't fair. I want to try with you, despite everything, because you're worth it. Can't you see that?"

Halima's mouth opened and closed, words faltering. Lorna, desperate for her to grasp the depth of her feelings, reached for her hand. "I care for you, Halima, more than you realize. I don't want to hurt you. If you prefer us to stay friends, I'll respect that. Just tell me, and I'll step back."

Halima shook her head, her face scrunched. "I don't want just friendship, Lorna. I care for you so much too that it terrifies me. The truth was unmistakable; Halima had even moved temporarily out of her parents' house to stay with her sister, all to be close to Lorna. She was willing to jeopardize her relationship with her mother for Lorna's sake. Just friendship was inconceivable.

Lorna's gaze softened, her touch conveying reassurance and comfort, but the question on the tip of her tongue burned her. She hesitated before speaking. "Then why did you hang up on me the other day? I understand you were dealing with a lot, and I dropped a bombshell on you, but why didn't you say anything?"

A tear escaped Halima's eye, a testament to the emotional tempest within her. "I wasn't ready for what you offered. The idea made everything so real, so fast. I couldn't wrap my head around it. But I should have said something. I must have made you hate me all those weeks."

Lorna's expression remained comforting and understanding. "I could never. I don't want you to ever think that. You can tell me anything without judgement and I'll always listen to you."

Halima inhaled deeply, sensing a glimmer of hope in the air. "I... I don't want to lose you. I want to try, to make things right."

Lorna's smile softened, a warmth shimmering in her eyes. "I don't wanna lose you either Halima. We'll figure it out, together."

"Do you promise?"

Lorna cupped Halima's cheeks, cradling her face tenderly as her thumbs rubbed gently. "I promise, my dear."

Halima's heart fluttered, a shiver racing down her spine, a smile tugging at her lips. "Okay, Lo. And I promise to be open with you."

Lorna grinned; her gaze fell to Halima's lips, inviting and captivating. She traced Halima's bottom lip with her thumb. Halima's throat tightened, her lips parting as their faces drew closer. Lorna tilted her head slightly, pressing their lips together, gentle at first, then more fervently as their shared longing intensified.

Halima wound her arms around Lorna's neck, pulling her closer until Lorna's knee rested on top of hers. The sounds of Halima's soft groans twisted Lorna's insides; she yearned to absorb every sound, to be immersed in it. They parted, both breathing heavily, lips swollen. A smile played on Halima's lips, eliciting a soft chuckle from Lorna, who leaned her forehead against hers.

"I really missed you, Lo."

"Me too, doll. Me too." Lorna held Halima's hand.

"Now that we've cleared things up, how about I cook us supper? What do you want to eat? Wait, are you staying over?"

Halima chuckled. "I did bring my duffel bag, so yeah."

Lorna's heart soared. "Perfect! So, what do you wanna eat?"

"Anything. I'm not picky."

"How about we head to the market? It's close, and we can get fresh food."

Halima nodded eagerly as Lorna grabbed a shopping bag and two hoodies, handing her one. Halima beamed as she wore it, sneakily taking in the scent of Lorna's perfume. The fragrance enveloped her, and she sighed softly, grinning. Lorna opened the door for her, locking it behind them. She reached out her hand, and Halima willingly intertwined their fingers as they headed to the market.

Author's Note

It took me days to write this, apologies aren't perfect, we are all messy. What do you think?