Incorrect ELO Quotes

Jeff Comes To Terms With Having Six Weirdo Friends And Other Lovely Occurences

Hugh: Do you guys want to see a butterfly?
Melvyn: Ooh, yes please!
Mik, with his laptop open: I'm not going to stop working to look at a stupid bug!
Hugh: It's not a bug though...
Mik: ...
Melvyn: ...
Mik: Well I still don't want to see.
Melvyn, realizing: Please don't throw-
Hugh: Whee! *throws a stick of butter*

Mik: Is anyone going to tell me what's going on in here?!
Melvyn: It's kind of complicated, but Hugh-
Mik: Got it. Forget I asked.

Mik: So when are we gonna tell him?
Hugh: Just give him a minute.
Melvyn: *Pulling on a door that clearly says push.*

Hugh: HELP! I TOLD MIK I'D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN'T COOK!
Melvyn, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?

Melvyn: Hugh gave me a get better soon card.
Mik: That's sweet!
Melvyn: I wasn't sick, he just thinks I can do better.

Hugh, in Mik's window: I thought I'd find you here!
Melvyn, climbing past Hugh: WE COULD HAVE USED THE DOOR-

Mik: Why were you up yesterday until 3am?
Hugh: How did you know I was up until 3am?
Melvyn: We could hear you clapping to the FRIENDS intro every 25 minutes.

Mik: When I said you should try being friendlier this isn't what I meant.
Hugh, stirring a cup of tea aggressively: Oh, so now I'm TOO friendly? There's no pleasing you.
Melvyn, who broke into their house an hour ago: Two sugars please.
Hugh: Coming right up.

Hugh: Come, Melvyn. Mik doesn't want to talk to us right now. He's just too polite to say it.

Mik: I hope you have an explanation for this.
Melvyn: We have three, actually!
Hugh: Pick your favorite.

Melvyn: The odds of this happening by coincidence are vanishingly small.
Hugh: I would say infinitesimally.
Mik: And I'd say teenily-weenily. We all know words.

Mik: What makes you all smile?
Bev: Friends and Family.
Hugh: Snacks.
Jeff: Victory and success.
Melvyn: Face muscles.

Mik: Does everyone know their job for today?
Jeff: Water the flowers.
Melvyn: Vacuum the carpet.
Bev: Wash the dishes.
Hugh: Pretend to be a wolverine.
Mik: Close enough.

Hugh: We've been conducting an ongoing study to see what Bev will and will not eat.
Melvyn:  Grass? Yes!
Hugh: Moss? Yes!!
Melvyn: Leaves? Ohh, yes!
Hugh: Shoelaces? Strange but true!
Melvyn: Worms? Sometimes!
Hugh: Rocks? Usually nah.
Melvyn: Twigs? Usually!
Hugh: Jeff 's cooking? Inconclusive!
Mik: How did you... test this?
Hugh: You just hand him stuff and say 'eat this' and if he eats it, he eats it.
Mik: ... I don't know how to feel about this.
Jeff: IS THAT WHERE ALL MY SPARE SHOELACES WENT?

Mik: You're a loose cannon, Hugh.
Hugh: No, I'm not. I'm a cannon, maybe, but a loose cannon? Is that what you think of me?
Bev: I think you play by your own rules.
Melvyn: No way, he thinks rules were made to be broken.
Mik: Those are all attributes of a loose cannon.
Hugh: No, I'm just a reckless renegade. Jeff is a loose cannon.
Jeff: *smashes a chair* Aah! You shut your trap, Hugh!
Melvyn: I'd say Hugh's more of a cop on the edge with nothing to lose. That's an entirely different thing.
Bev: Now I'm just confused. Is Hugh a loose cannon or not?
Mik: All right, put on a pot of coffee. We're gonna get to the bottom of this.
Jeff: *groans*
Hugh: Aw, man.

Mik: What's something you guys are better than Hugh at?
Bev: Mario Kart.
Jeff: Yeah, video games.
Melvyn: Emotional vulnerability.

Mik: Where's Hugh, Bev, and Melvyn?
Jeff: They're playing hide and seek.
Mik: Where?
Jeff: I don't think you get how this game works.

Mik: Jeff is late again.
Melvyn: How did this happen? I called him at 8 o'clock this morning and pretended it was 11.
Bev: I printed up a fake schedule for him saying we were starting at 9 instead of noon.
Hugh: I set his clock to say PM when it's really AM.
Mik: Oh boy. We may have overdone it.
*Jeff bursts through the door*
Jeff: WHAT TIME IS IT?

Hugh: Rules were made to be broken.
Bev: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken.
Jeff: Uh, piñatas.
Kelly: Glow sticks.
Melvyn: Karate boards.
Richard: Spaghetti when you have a small pot.
Hugh: Rules.
Bev:

Bev: Wait. Where's Hugh? He loves Dungeons and Dragons.
Melvyn: I thought you invited him.
Jeff: Uh, I thought Kelly invited him.
Kelly: I thought Richard invited him.
Richard: I never invite him.

*Squad reactions to being told 'I love you'*
Kelly: Thanks fam!
Hugh: Oh no.
Melvyn: *cries* I love you too.
Jeff: Sounds fake, but okay.
Richard: *A flustered mess*
Bev: Can I get a refund?

Jeff, walking into his house: Hello, people who do not live here.
Melvyn: Hey.
Richard: Hi.
Bev: Hello.
Kelly: Hey!
Jeff: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!
Hugh: We were out of Doritos.

Hugh: Well, aren't you all a rag-tag group of adventurers with unclear goals and good hearts! Oh, let me guess: you're out to save the world!
Jeff: Well, actually, that sounds like a pretty fair assessment.
Richard: More or less, I guess...
Kelly: That sounds awesome! Let's do that!
Melvyn: I'm new here, but I am open to the concept.
Bev: I thought that's what we were doing, guys, come on!

Jeff: What did you get Hugh for their birthday?
Melvyn: I got him a kitten.
Jeff: Really? Me too!
Bev: I also got him a cat.
Richard: Looks like we had the same idea.
Melvyn: Kelly, please tell me you didn't get Hugh a cat as well!
Kelly: ...I got him a kitten.
*later*
Hugh, in his apartment surrounded by cats and kittens: This is the best birthday ever!

Richard: All right, y'all! Let's take a vote!
Melvyn: A secret vote. Everyone close your eyes.
*the Squad closes their eyes*
Hugh: We don't see the result!
Melvyn: Well, just say your vote out loud.
Bev: Won't we recognize each other's voices?
Jeff: Richard has a point.

Hugh: How do you connect with a fictional character?
Jeff: What?
Bev: What?
Richard: What?
Melvyn: *pulls up a 500 slide presentation* I'm glad you asked.

Richard: Problem, I can't tell if this food is over-sauced or undercooked.
Jeff: Solution, just pop it back in the oven for another 10 minutes. There's at least a 50% chance that'll fix it, right?
Hugh: Result? Food has somehow become unpleasantly soggy and unpleasantly crunchy at the exact same time.
Melvyn: No better time than this to pull out my favorite word! Slunchy!
Bev: ...put it away.

Jeff: I'm going to be an adult in 4 years and I only have a vague idea of what I'm going to do.
Melvyn: I'm gonna be an adult in less than a year and I don't know what I'm doing with my life.
Bev: I'm with you there...
Hugh: I'm an adult and I don't know what I'm doing with my life.
Richard: Three types of people.