All Because I Couldn't Say I Love You

Not A Good Different

KIE

I let him be the first to pull away. I didn't wanna make any wrong moves. My breath hitched and my heart dropped when he did eventually. He gave me the same smile he did that day on the bench. I was mortified. How could he be so sweet one minute, and so harsh the next. My breathing wasn't stable. I started to freak out. Next thing I know, he's holding me to his chest. I try pushing him off, but his grip gets painfully stronger.

"Let go!" I say, my breathing picking up. I was so scared.

"Fucking relax!!" He yells in my face.

My breathing calms down almost immediately. My body was in complete fear to deny him of anything.

"There you go, Kiara." He says instantly pulling away and driving again.

We arrive back at my house. I don't think I've been happier to enter this place. That car, that man, that face, scares the everliving hell out of me. I'm shaking in my bed. I run into the shower, cleaning every part of me that kept that annoying touch. I wash my hair, turning, I see a small part of my arm a new shade. I gently touch it and wince.

Shit.
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The next day, I head over to the Chateau, effectively hiding that bruise. I wanted a layer of extra clothing in case that it got touched. I knew that wouldn't help, but I didn't want it to be seen. It was an ugly color. It looked ugly. No one wants to see it. Not even I want to see it. It disgusts me in ways I can't describe.

When I walk in, everyone's chillin in the living room. Except JJ.

"Where's J?" I ask, sitting on the opposite side of the couch as Pope and Cleo.

"Smoking. He'll be back any second. Plus, I think he'd be pretty enthused to see you. He doesn't like your boyfriend." John B stated with a small chuckle.

"Yeah, no, I think I picked that up." I say with a small laugh.

To be honest, neither do I right now. But that's my problem, not theirs.

After I say that, JJ walks in. He notices I'm there. I watch the tension roll off of him, better than I've seen a joint ever do to him. He smiles and sits next to me.

"Sup, kie?" He says, messing up my hair.

I swat his hands away with a giggle, rolling my eyes instead of responding.

He just smiles more. JJ doesn't mind me not answering. But that leaves me to wonder...

What if I did that to Ashton?

Oh god, what would I do?

What would he do.

I didn't realize my leg was bouncing until JJ put his hand on my knee.

"Hey, Kie, you okay?" He asks, noticing my random anxiety.

"Oh, yeah, no, yeah, I'm fine." I say with a smile.

I realize my head's on the loose spring in the stupid couch John B refuses to replace. I laugh to myself, and I put my head on JJ's shoulder. It felt good like this. His arm wraps around me, pulling my body closer.

I didn't even remember Ashton at this moment.

I didn't want to either. I felt safe right here.

I couldn't remember that stupid warning he gave me about JJ. I didn't want to remember. I could never do that to him.

Soon, me and JJ were cuddling on the couch. I fell asleep in his arms. I couldn't sleep last night. I think JJ could tell I couldn't either. His fingers ran through my hair. It kept me calm while I was asleep. It helped me sleep. JJ knew that about me. He knows what makes me comfortable and what doesn't. Although, he's never been the one to make me uncomfortable. It was usually me telling him what I didn't like. It usually ended up with him threatening to kill someone and cuddling me on the hammock. Those were days I miss. We still do that, but since our fight, we haven't done more than this. It felt right, and it felt like no tension was between us.