All Because I Couldn't Say I Love You

Less Of Everything

KIE: TW AHEAD

A week ago is the last time I've seen the pogues. The day I passed out. The day it all happened. Since then, I've barely eaten. I told my parents I eat too much on my break, and Ashton says my body still looks sloppy. We've been to the gym in and out since that night. He pushes me at the gym. Hard. I'm sore, tired, but he said it'll be worth it if I'm skinny.

I remember the days where the boys told me not to take anyone's shit. JJ always made sure I felt beautiful. Always complimenting me when I put my hair different ways, or when I did something I'm happy about, he made sure I knew he was proud. He took me to get ice cream because I passed a test in a class I struggled in. He never had much money, but when he did, he spent it how he wanted, sometimes, it was on me. I miss him. I miss us. Before our fight, I felt fine. Now, I just feel weak, dizzy, and useless. I've grown to be more tired, more anxious, and I can hardly look at myself in the mirror. I looked at myself, immediately needing to gag. I ran to the bathroom, shoving my fingers down my throat, making myself throw up.

I see a message.

Jayjje💕
Hey pretty lady
Pogue cookout at 7
Coming?

Me
Maybe
I gotta shit ton to do at the Wreck

Jayjje💕
Come on kieeee
It's been a week
Please
For me?

I could never say no to that.

Me
Okok
Gotta go love ya

Jayjje💕
Love you too cupcake

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Cookout. I can't do it. No. My body hurts too much to go anywhere.

What would Ashton think?

What would he do?

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Flashback: 4 days ago.

I was working my closing shift. The door opens as I'm cleaning.

"We're closed-" I say slowly turning around.

I'm met with a very, very drunk Ashton.

"Hey, babe!" He exclaims, kissing my neck.

I push him off of me. Very quickly. My eyes go wide, and his eyes darken.

"The fuck?" He questions, giving me a look.

"I'm sor-" I push out, but just feel a cold, hard pressure on my face. Ow.

He pins me against the wall, forcing me to make out with him. I try to pull away, but he sticks his fingers into my hips, digging into them. I yell out, but he takes that as an opportunity to stick his tongue down my throat. His hands roam all over my body. Tears form in my eyes.

I don't want this.

I don't want this.

I don't want this!

I kick him off of me, and he blacks out. I start sobbing, feeling absolutely violated. I don't even process the cameras recording. I forgot there were cameras.

I just let very, very quickly.

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My heart aches at his hands all over my body. I haven't really slept. Every time I try, I feel his hands all over me. I lift up the rim of my shirt. My whole stomach is bruised. I feel so gross. I feel weak. I call Sarah, asking if she can pick me up.