All Because I Couldn't Say I Love You

Foolin'

Kie

Between sitting here, laying in bed, getting passed around in so many hugs, I realized I just want that one boy with me all the time. When I leave his arms, I crave it as soon as I don't feel his touch. The way he rubs my back, kissing the crook of my neck, when he buries his head there, when his hands sneak in the back of my shirt, making my skin burn at the sensation.

I fucking miss JJ. I fucking love JJ.

My parents had me stay at Sarah's. Their house, alone in my room, wasn't something I wanted to be.

Days and nights of suffering alone in there caught up. Now I'm scared. Like really scared. Tonight, I woke up from a nightmare.

Next thing I know, my phones in my hands, and JJ's contact is the only thing I think about. With no hesitation I call him.

Guilt washes over me on the second ring, because what if he's asleep?

I quickly end the call before it had time to start.

My screen lights up again.

Jayj💗

I answer quickly.

"Hello?" I play dumb.

"Hey, kie. I know you called me. I'm awake. Didn't even let me answer!" He chuckles.

It echoes throughout the small dim room.

"I'm sorry, I felt guilty potentially waking you up." I admitted.

I heard him sigh lowly.

"Oh, Kie... don't ever feel guilty about something like that.  If you need me, call me. I'm not going anywhere, princess. Now, what's up?"

His words melt my heart.

I look around the room "I'm scared." I admit quietly.

"Wherever you are, I'll be there in 15 minutes. Don't bother telling me, I have your location."

I smile, "thank you, JJ."

"Anything for you. Be there soon, baby."

I roll my eyes, blushing at the name, then I hear the beeps in a familiar pattern.

I lay back in the bed that Sarah had made me stay in. My eyes wander around the ceiling, catching a glimpse of the mirror in the corner. I stand up, turning my desk light on. I see a girl I don't recognize or love. I still have small bruises littered around my hips and arms. I wish I could've fought back. Memories rush back to me.

The amount of times I screamed no. How scary it was. How nothing was for my sake.

How could I be so foolish?

My stomach, empty. Has been empty for days or weeks. Nothing much than an apple and water every couple days. I gently touch my stomach. I flinch at the coldness of my fingertips. I've worked myself to the bone. The thought of having real food is sickening. The fear rises above and concurs what's left of my sanity.

When my knees hit the floor, I know I'm in for it. I feel the blood rush to my head. My cold hand meet my overheated face. It burns in a way that scares me.

The wind would hit my face and Ashton's fist would follow.

I know it all too well. I can still feel where his hands were. I move my hands, clutching my sides, praying the pain goes away. In front of my knees has become a puddle of tears, slowly merging together. Everything I've kept, bottled up, promised myself to destroy, is coming out this very moment.