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How can I even forget it? The library incident... It held so much importance to me... Jeongguk said something to me that day that I could never ever forget...
"You dummy... I was just kidding-" I laugh.
"No... I promise that this will not repeat next time"
"There will be a next time?"
"No no...I mean I will catch you everytime you fall Taehyung..."
And he did... But I didn't even remember... How? This is really unusual... How can one episode of my life just vanish out of my brain?
Later that morning, when I woke up, I looked in my diary for that particular incident and found it. (Yeah I am carrying it on trip too). And during the shower, I even forced my brain to flash those memories and was finally able to recall some blurry images of it... Although my head ached painfully the whole time we were hiking. Jimin and Jeongguk also asked if I was okay but I just shrugged it away and climbed the mountain with them...
"We are here!" Jimin excitedly says. The fresh air and cold winds; the feeling of touching the clouds makes me smile as I rub my hands then hug myself in my jerkin to keep myself warm. Jimin made me wear it, saying that he didn't want cold to worsen my headache. And as always I am thankful to him. I look at him taking pictures of the glorious view but suddenly a bottle is held in front of me... I look to my right to see it was Yoongi hyung.
"Here... Jeongguk bought it for you... It's good for headaches..." He hands me the bottle as my heart beat increases... I knew I was going to go nowhere with these feelings for Jeongguk... But he himself was making it really difficult for me to not fall for him even more....
With flushed cheeks, that can be excused by the cold weather, I smile at Yoongi hyung and say, "Thank you hyung..." He smiles back. I actually didn't ever notice that he had a gummy smile, which made him look... less cold.
"My pleasure. By the way how are you feeling now?"
"I'm fine...This headache will die down eventually"
"Yeah if you need any help, I am here..."
"Ah thank you hyung" I smile at him gratefully.
"And if you are wondering Jeongguk is out there helping the volunteers take out lunch boxes for everyone..." He says, pointing at a group of people taking out lunch packets from the cardboard box...
"Ohh... I'll go thank him then... See you hyung" I say and turn to walk towards Jeongguk.
I bite my lips to stop the stupid smile on my face as I spot him. My legs start to make their way towards his direction but stop immediately when I see that he was talking with Chaeyoung. I once again gulp at the river of different emotions flowing in me...
I don't know why I act like a 5 year old in situations like this? It's clear that they are just talking, nothing more and... neither does Jeongguk belong to me. I don't have a single right to get jealous at all. But still, I don't have the courage to walk to Jeongguk and talk to him when Chaeyoung is there. It's something my heart fears to handle, the fear of witnessing something that can break it into pieces...
"Taehyung!" His voice brings me out of the zoned out world I was in... I look up to see him waving at me. I try to smile but couldn't and with heavy steps I walk to them.
"You got the drink I bought for you?" He asks as soon as I go and stand near him.
"Yeah... here... Thank you so much" I show the bottle to him.
"Is it still aching?"
"What?" My heart?
"I mean are you feeling well now?"
"Yeah I'm-I'm good" I sigh, that comes out as fog from my mouth. What next? I thanked him. Now what? Should I be standing here or walk away? This was the only problem... I had no idea what to do and what not to. It seems like my brain is just getting trapped in the web of confusions that my heart is creating in me. And in this conflict of brain and my heart, I am stuck with no help.
In the background, I could hear Jeongguk going back to talking with Chaeyoung. They both were enthusiastically talking about some artist I had no idea about... then about music in general. I wish I also had topics like this to discuss with him but in my boring and non-ambitious life, I have nothing to share.
"Taehyungie!" Like always, Jimin comes to my rescue. I turn to see him and Yoongi hyung walking towards us. "We came here to take packets for all of us. Come on let's eat now! Then we will take some pictures and then... we have to go back to cabinets" He pouts at the end. Clearly he loved it here. His excitement makes a smile come on my face instantly. I nod and turn to take four packets from the table.
"Taehyung do you mind taking two packets for me and Nancy also? We are going to eat with you." Chaeyoung says. I look up at her then slightly nod, taking two more packets. Jimin, who was standing behind me, clears his throat. "Yoongi would you help us with the packets here? Taehyung can't carry them alone." Yoongi hyung nods and takes two packets from my hand followed by Jimin, who does the same.
"Let's go" He says and puts his hand on my shoulder, taking me along with him to a sitting spot. As we were walking, I turn around to see Jeongguk still talking to her while arranging the last bits of boxes. As if he got a telepathy, he turns his head towards my direction. We make eye contact for a split second but then... I look away.
🤍🤍
(Delicate- Taylor Swift)
Is it cool that I said all that? Is it chill that you're in my head? 'Cause I know that it's delicate Isn't it, isn't it, isn't it? Isn't it delicate?
I hum to myself, listening to 'Delicate', as we track down the mountain. Nothing can be better than listening to music while having the fresh air kiss your face. With slow steps, I walk behind the group, not in any mood to get involved in their conversation of their music class. Surprisingly, Jimin was also invested in the conversation. While over here, the only thing I knew about music was Taylor Swift and a boy band called BTS... Nothing else.
This ain't for the best My reputation's never been worse, so You must like me for me Yeah, I want you
And like always Jeongguk and Chaeyoung couldn't stop talking. He seems to enjoy talking to her a lot. Even when we were eating they both were busy in their own conversation about the song. I, at times, think, Does he ever enjoy talking with me? Does he ever try to search for any chance to be near me? Does he ever feel the same way as I do, when I look at him? Does he ever feel his heart beat running to miles, when I smile at him.
Does he ever dream of something like 'us'?
No he doesn't
Sometimes I wonder; when you sleep Are you ever dreaming of me? Sometimes when I look into your eyes I pretend you're mine, all the damn time 'Cause I like you
I stop in my tracks and look at everyone's retreating backs and gulp. It feels like I am getting delusional day by day. How can I ever forget that there's no chance... The most we can ever be is friends and we have already reached that limit.
"Um excuse me" I look behind to see another student waiting for me to move forward.
"s-sorry" Clearing my throat, I start walking again, trying to catch up with the group. My heart beat increases as I can only imagine how that day would be, when I confess my feelings to him... Will that day ever come?
