His Plastic Doll

6

Buong gabing maga ang mga mata ni Conan dahil sa kaiiyak. Buong gabi siyang nakaramdam ng pagsisisi. Buong gabi siyang pinuno ng alaala ni Jestoni. Kaya naman parusang maituturing ang makita si Ryle na buo ang interes na nakatingin kay Inesa at ang panaka-naka nilang kulitan sa harapan; lalo lang siyang dinadala nito sa tanikala ng nakalipas na pilit niyang kinalilimutan.

'Am I that miserable? Isang tingin lang sa isang couple, nati-trigger na ako agad? Damn, Conan, move on!'

Napaisip si Conan kung saan at anong bahagi ba ni Jestoni ang hindi niya makalimutan. Was it his smile that brightened up his day whenever he was feeling down? Was it their daily exchange of hot nights? Or was it his member moving back and forth in his mouth? Lahat ng iyon? 'Fuck, lahat nga 'ata.'

May kailangan ba siyang gawin para hindi malugmok nang ganoon? Kailangan niya bang iumpog ang ulo niya sa pader ng isang libong beses, maitimo lang sa isip niya na hindi na siya babalikan pa nito at kailangan na niyang makalimot?

"Conan?"

He blinked twice until he had successfully brought himself back to his senses. Recitation. Nawala sa isip niyang nasa kalagitnaan nga pala siya ng recitation. Inilibot niya ang paningin sa klase, lahat na ng paningin ay nasa kanya, maging ang atensiyon nina Ryle at Inesa na kanina'y pinagmamasdan niya lang. He was still standing. Gustuhin man niyang umupo dahil sa bugso ng kaba gawa ng mga matang nakatutok sa kanya, hindi niya iyon nagawa sapagkat maging ang sociology professor nila ay matiim ding nakatingin at waring hinihintay siyang sumagot.

"I was just asking you about your relationship experience," muling pagkuha nito sa atensiyon ni Conan. "Could you, maybe, offer us some insights?" their professor added, as if he saw how apparently confused Conan was.

Sa board ay may naka-present na slide tungkol sa flag ng LGBTQ at ang title mismo ay tungkol sa same-sex relationships. He mustered all the courage he had before speaking out. Bukod kay Ella at sa circle of friends nila, wala nang nakaaalam pa ng tungkol sa nakaraan niya. Hindi rin naman kasi siya iyong tipo ng taong mahilig ipangalandakan kung anong klaseng buhay mayroon siya. He was even avoiding posting his own pictures on Facebook dahil sa hiya. Pakiramdam niya kasi, irrelevant. Hindi na kailangan.

"It's almost the same as opposite-sex relationships," Conan started, giving the answer they wanted to hear from him. "You spend time getting to know each other, share secrets and goals, be part of their growth, have sex perhaps, and be there in the most difficult times. The same. Which is why I find it hard to understand why people are so against it."

Conan noticed how the word 'sex' triggered an arising argument. But before someone could raise their hand to state their rebuttal, he immediately added a substance in his main point. "The problem here is that people only tend to think it's all about experimental sex. Unholy. They can't seem to see it as two individuals with strong emotional connections, two souls loving each other."

He remembered how his relationship with Jestoni started just like that, just like any normal relationship: from strangers, to friends, to lovers. The only difference was their gender. They were both guys. But he really didn't think there's any problem with that. Ang ibang tao lang talaga itong maraming problema sa buhay. "In fact, their deviance should not be considered by society as mistakes. It was so mainstream to merely think that it's a sin to Almighty, just because people wanted to uphold their so-called conventional norms about opposite-sex relationships."

Nakarinig si Conan ng isang palakpak, hanggang sa sinegundahan iyon ng isa, at ng isa pa. May ilan pang napatayo habang pumapalakpak, seryoso at proud na proud sa ipinakita niyang punto de vista. It was Ryle who initiated the standing ovation, followed by their friends and some of his classmates. Maiinis sana siya o masusuya ngunit base sa tingin at ngiti ng mga ito sa kanya, alam niyang napaintindi niya sa mga ito ang nais niyang ipunto.