His Plastic Doll

Chapter Two

Okay, now I'm pissed.

"Akala ko ba gusto mong mag-practice? You came all the way here knowing I live alone in an apartment, admitted you wanted to have an experience before you do it with your girl, what do you think that might send me?"

"But I didn't want to do it like... right now!"

I can't believe it. I can't believe I'm having this kind of conversation when I was already naked and my body aching of getting fucked.

Humalukipkip ako. "Tell me, do you even know how it works?"

"Of course, I know!"

Thank goodness then. Akala ko'y mag-a-ala-teacher pa ako sa kanya. At akala ko rin ay kailangan ko na siyang parangalan ng Guiness World Record mula sa kawalan ng kahit anong kaalaman tungkol sa sex.

Lumihis siya ng tingin at mula sa pagkiskis niya ng kanyang ngipin, naisip kong maski siya'y naiinis din na nahihiya siya tungkol dito. "I just... I thought, we would just talk."

Talk? Tch. Buong tapang siyang lumusob dito sa pamamahay ko nang wala man lang alarm-alarm, tapos ngayong nagkomprontahan na kami, saka siya titiklop? Namewang ako.

"Isa pa, alam mo namang hindi tayo gaano ka-close 'di ba?" sabi niya.

Issue pa iyon sa kanya? E samantalang kung makasalita siya kanina, parang handa siyang makipag-sex kahit kanino magkaroon lang ng sapat na kaalaman.

But somehow what he said hurt me even if it's true. Tinuturing naming friends ang isa't isa sa oras lang na magkakasama kami ng mga friends namin. It's like we were only connected with the presence of others. But once they're gone, that connection we had was also gone. How could we even lay a finger to each other when he gets frightened everytime I get close to him?

"Then why did you come here? Why me?"

"Wala. Naisip ko lang na ikaw lang ang malalapitan ko tungkol sa bagay na ito. And I know you're someone who doesn't tell others. I can tell it just from your eyes. Hindi mo gustong makipagdaldalan."

I might have been touched knowing he was carefully observing me from our class, but from what he said, he just made me look disposable. No close friends, no guardian nearby, no established name—that if I ever did tell someone about what we do, no one would believe me.

I wanted to laugh but I guess I didn't have the right to, because after all, everything that happens to me was my fault. Everything.

I sniffled and forced myself to look at him. "What is it that you wanted to know?"

"The right way to do it."

"There's no standard way to do it, silly. It's different for everyone."

"But I still have to know something at least. Mas okay na iyon kaysa para akong tangang gumagalaw lang nang parang robot."

"Don't you watch porn? Hindi ka ba marunong mag-imagine?" I peeked at his palms and noticed there's a bump on it, which meant he knew how to play with himself. Hindi pa ba iyon sapat na assurance na may kaalaman siya?

"I do, but you don't understand. If I don't know something, natutulala lang ako. Hindi ko maigalaw ang katawan ko."

I sighed. Bakit ko pa nga ba siya kinukwestyon e siya na nga itong may gusto? Pero ang weird lang dahil noong naghubad ako sa harapan niya para siyang batang takot na takot.

Or maybe it was just like what he said? Dahil wala pa siyang kaalam-alam sa kung anong gagawin, natutulala lang siya at hindi niya maigalaw ang katawan niya?

But didn't he realize that if he were going to use me, he would actually have to touch my body?

Somehow, I need to fix that.