[COMPLEMENTARY PARTS] - Never Ending story

Away. ◇

Y/N's point of view.

▪︎ 9 p.m. ▪︎

It's 9 p.m., the end of the day. It's also friday today, usually the neighborhood is quite calm but each friday I can hear the daily silence turn into some chuckles, some kids running and some families being reunited. This reminds me of our time, at Bucky's house.

In the 40s, we spend each friday at his home, alongside his family. It was always full of life, his mom would be telling us her day while checking on me each second to make sure I was okay, as if I was her daughter too. At the same time, his dad would be cracking joke after joke, and most of them would be some that he already told James and his family but he would be telling them again just so that I could hear them as well and have a good laugh too, it was his way of caring for me, making sure to never see a saddened expression on my face.

The room would simply be filled with laughs and stories from them, the rest of his family, and Bucky and I. And every time, even if we weren't alone, our eyes would always cross each other once, then twice, then it would be just us. We would have kind of escaped, and mostly we would just end up walking in the street.

It would be very dark because of the time, lights would be low and James would always insist to cover me up with his jacket, scarf, or anything that he would take off to give to me. Most of the time I wasn't even cold, but I only pretended to so that he'd give me that piece of clothing. It was a way of getting closer to him, of feeling his touch in a way because I was desperate to have that but we simply weren't there yet, I never thought we would be... what I thought we'd be today, what we were 1 year, 3 months and 24 days ago before he left.

These night walks would turn into night talks, a confession time. I didn't even to ask, but I'd just look at him and he'd start telling me about his doubts, his deepest fears, just James opening his heart to me.

Just him, talking to me. I was his confidant and these talks where he put himself so vulnerable to me were what made me promise him that I'll always be there to protect him, do whatever it costs to be sure the heart he was exposing at this moment would always feel safe, do whatever it costs to make sure the peace of mind he had at this moment will ever stay, but I failed.

James is not talking to me anymore, the confidence is lost and I failed assuming this role, it's my fault. He is gone, and it's my fault. It's 9 p.m., the room is silent and quiet, only filled with my lonely presence.

▪︎ 11 p.m. ▪︎

It must be 11 now, I don't even know anymore. My vision is dizzy and I feel my head turning, as always around this time and when I'm overstimulating my mind with science projects that sometimes don't even make sense but that Tony and I initiated. This dizziness is one of the side effects of my treatment that he never achieved to counter, and now it always happens when I'm polluting my mind with this work, and for 1 year, 3 months, and 24 days that's what I've been doing every night, just to get distracted.

Usually James takes me out at this time, just to get a dash of fresh air. It would always be the same journey: first, grab a drink on our way, and then spend the rest of the evening on that vinyl shop.

James likes to get there on friday night because it's less busy, and... let's say people's eyes on us scare us, now. It's like they can see us, what we did, and that's why we always wear long sleeves and gloves, and why there's always hair covering the scar on my face.

The scar is more myself being ashamed of my own person actually. Tony made this scar that day, the day my words couldn't express how sorry I was for this betrayal, and the day his words weren't enough to express the hatred and disgust he felt towards me at the moment, the hatred and disgust I still feel towards myself today. When I said yes to Peggy for joining the SSR I never thought that this would bring this much pain and joy at the same time.