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Chapter 65

Trigger warning- thoughts about death.

Valeriana's pov

Light murmuring filled my ears as I slowly peeled my eyes open. The lights were dimmed. My eyes land on the wall in front of me. I felt numb. A void of nothingness. Empty. I should have let mother break me sooner. I would rather feel nothing than everything she made me feel emotionally and physically.

"Valeriana?" Nazario calls out. My eyes stay locked on the spot on the wall. The singular smudge mark. Why was it there? Where did it come from? What is the story behind this mark? Everyone has a story including this smudge. Why does it matter? It doesn't. Then why did you ask? I didn't, you did. Did I? Of course I did. Wait a minute... No I didn't.

"Valer?" Santino asked. I blink slowly. Why? Why what? Why can't someone just kill me already? Does death feel this cold? Would it be painless or painful? Can I choose? I don't think you can choose. It's not up to you. If I could choose I would want to die like each of my victims over and over until I went through each of their deaths. Multiple times just for the simple fact that they had no choice and I made it for them.

"My love?" Verena says softly. My eyes close. I roll over onto my side. My back facing them. My mother never took a life. She just did her worst to me. I'm more than a monster. What is worse than a monster? Well whatever it is, it's you... it's me?... it's us?

"Aurelio is ok," Santino says. My stomach tightened. How bad did I cut him? I saw the blood. It was quite a bit. But he is ok so it couldn't have been that bad. My eyes cliche shut. I could have killed him! I almost did! Another life. When will this all end? The killings. When you make it stop. Pfft obviously. It doesn't take a genius to figure that out. Ya know.

~~~

It's been two weeks now. I haven't said a word to my brothers. I haven't seen them. After leaving the small hospital room at the house I left. Took off. I need to clear my mind. Or get it back. I feel like I'm going insane. I don't know what to do anymore. I've been staying at my playhouse. It's not the best place since this place is what I want... No, I need to get away from it. It's just my brothers don't know where this place is so they can't come for me.

Devyn and Kian don't even know I'm here. I'm pretty sure they do. Well if they did they are doing a pretty damn good job of not showing that they know I'm here. They are most likely pretending you aren't here for your sake.. Our sake! We went off the deep end. Just a little.

After finishing one of the many books I had, I walked to the bookshelf. Well it wasn't really a sturdy shelf so when I set the book on the shelf it collapsed. The books crash to the ground loudly. Now in a heap on the floor. Well now they know you're here.

The door slammed open. Devyn pointed a gun at me before lowering it when she saw me. She frowned before letting out a sigh of relief.

"Have you been here this whole time?" she asked. I shrug my shoulders. Does it really matter? I don't think it does. What's it to her?

"They're worried about you, Valer," Kian says from behind his girlfriend. And yes he was standing behind her and not in front of her. He knows his girl can take on any intruder. Plus she prefers to save his ass. Makes it more fun for her. Being the knight and him the prince. She just likes to rub it in that she saved his ass yet again. Such a sweet couple they were.

"We get it, you finally cracked. Now pull yourself together and get the help you need. You have a therapist. See her. Talk with your brothers, girlfriend or even us if you need. But do not let yourself spiral like this. It's not good. We know what we've all done and it isn't pretty, sis. Let others help. You're not alone anymore. You haven't been for a while now. Before your brothers you had us. You still do. We have your back as much as your brothers. Let us help. We will do whatever you ask of us. We won't let you fall, so don't let go," Devyn says. This needs to end.

"This needs to end," I mutter. I tear my eyes away from the pile of books on my ground. My friends look at me. Devyn smiles softly. "Echo, has to die," I state. Kian's eyebrows furrowed. "No more."

"Valer, you're not making any sense," Kian states. My hand runs through my hair. I look my friends in the eyes.

"I'm done with this. I don't want to be an assassin. To hurt people. I want to be free. To do what I want. I am worse than my mother. I am a killer. A brutal torturer. How can I live with myself knowing I am much worse than that bitch?" I asked. Devyn stepped towards me.

"Valeriana, you better not do it," Devyn states. My eyebrows furrowed. Do what? My eyes widened when I realized she thought I was talking about killing myself. I may want to die and end all of this but I wouldn't. That is taking the easy way out. I don't deserve it. I deserve to live with the guilt of every single one of my victims. Their time with me has haunted me for the past two weeks. I can't sleep. Not even a wink of sleep without being tortured with their screams.

"That's not what I mean. I can't hurt anyone else. I can't let her win. You didn't see the way she looked at me that day. This is what she wanted. She wanted me to hate myself. I do, Devyn. I hate that I allowed myself to drop down this low. I wanted to protect myself. I can but what I did to the others that wasn't me. I don't want it to be. I didn't want to become an assassin. Chris made me. To control me. Make me do his biddings and he did. He might not have had full control over me but he had some and I allowed it. I allowed myself to kill him. To torture people for him. This all ends with them," I state before ripping the gun from Devyn as I march downstairs. As soon as Selene and Chris are in my view I lift the gun and soot Chris in his head. I turn to my mother and shoot bullets into her until I've run out.

Even with the gun emptied I kept trying to shoot her. Devyn wrapped her hand around mine. She slowly took the gun from me. Kian wrapped his arms around me before lifting me up and walking away. I was set down in the car before he shut the door. Kian got into the driver's seat and started the car. He pulled out of the driveway and sped away.

Tears were streaming down my face causing me to wipe them away. My head rested against the seat. The car ride was silent. My eyes snapped up to the house as Kian pulled into the driveway. He brought me home.