I could decorate every inch of me,
'Till im shimmering like stardust.
Be able to look at my face in the mirror,
And not be overcome with disgust.
And they might love me for my body
Might say they cherish this exterior,
The cold, hardened, brittle shell
That everyone finds is superior.
To the inner monologuing, unscripted me,
That I cannot (and will not) reveal nor conceal.
Using glitter and misdirection to hide,
Making that part of me less than real.
I seldom speak and when I do,
It's to break the tension, to cut the air.
To interject, to wedge through,
To disturb, and to leave my presence there.
God I hate the way im impervious to change,
I sit and im still because you told me this way
Id have somewhere, a home to be at by now
I guess in someway, I believed you somehow.
That hope is worth it, That love is worth it,
That blood is red, and not sour apple.
That I can love myself more than others.
That I can be more than I am to my mother.
But you lied, god you lie,
Because I saw it today.
The beast in beasts clothing,
Walking in the grocery store's display.
Striding like an animal,
With an undeserving smile.
Hiding like an animal,
That crooked, sour bile.
To put it bluntly, Ill never be,
Grown up enough to be grown to me.
The way Id like, I should act my age,
Still a kid hanging on the last page.
