marble and quicksand - a poem collection.

three years ago

while everyone was waiting to unwrap their presents,
i was waiting for the right time to disappear.
i had told myself that i had tried for long enough,
that nothing was ever going to get better.
and there i stood, at the bridge with a knife ready,
just in case it was easier to cut than to jump.

in the end i was too scared of it hurting,
at least thats why i think i didn't go through with it.
the truth is, i probably wasn't too scared to actually go,
i was just afraid that no one would actually miss me.

three years ago, i really tried,
today, i don't think i feel any better,
i just don't want others to carry the weight of my actions.
i don't think it actually ever gets easier,
you just get better at ignoring it.