Broken Record

8

Warning: Contains adult language and sexual content!

-Dylan-

My nerves almost instantly amps back up when Jay answers my phone for me. I watch as his confused face turns to more of a concern as he slowly hands me the phone.

"It's for you."

I take a breath as I glance at the screen before bringing the device to my ear. 

"Hello?"

"Hi Dylan." 

The woman's voice on the other side sounded almost identical to Elise, the only difference is that this one has a lower tone. If I didn't know any better she'd easily pass off as Elise. I take another breath.

"I'm Elaine Stetson, Elise's mother. I'm calling to check up on you and ask how you are doing."

The first question I had is how did she get my number? The second question is why does she want to check up on the man who was with her daughter when she died? Unlike Elise's father, she's being nice to me. I don't trust it.

"I think I'm doing okay. I-I mean, as well as I can be, how are y-you hold up, Mrs. Stetson?"

The line went quiet for a moment. I held onto Jay's hand.

"I have to say the same thing. As well as I can be. I'm also trying to reach you to tell you that what happened to Elise is not your fault. It's been proven that you did not cause the crash. I am apologizing on my husband's behalf for the harassment that he caused. He's been very angry and grieving since Elise died, but please do not blame yourself. We are not suing you."

A little too late for that. If he didn't start in with me in the driveway a day ago, I think that I wouldn't be as bad as I was. I know it's not my fault but I don't believe it nor do I want to. I still wish that their daughter didn't die like she did. If I can go back in time to fix it I would. 

Jay senses me starting to get worked up and he gives me a gentle peck on the cheek. 

"Thank you. I-I am so sorry for what happened. H-Honestly, I wish I can go back and f-fix things but I-I can't."

"Again Dylan, it's not your fault. I miss my daughter so much but I know you're not to blame. Whoever ran into your truck is the fucker who killed my baby. I talked to Elise's father and he knows that this isn't on you but he is notorious for getting himself wound up. I don't think he will, but if he does go off on you, just ignore him. If you have to call me, I am going to give you my phone number."

She reads off a phone number that Jay writes down for me. I think it's nice that she's reaching out to me. She goes quiet again before talking.

"We do not want to have calling hours for Elise but we did have her cremated and we are planning to have a burial held in the spring. You are more than welcome to attend to pay your respects."

"Y-Yeah. I'll be there. When you get a date and time, let me know."

"Okay. I will let you go Dylan. Thank you for talking with me. If you need anything that I can help with, please by all means, let me know. Have a wonderful afternoon."

After Mrs. Stetson hung up the phone I let out a long sigh. I didn't know how to feel about this. A small section of me is relieved but now I'm more sad and guilty than anything. Jorel hugs my back.

"It's alright, Dyl." 

"I-I know."

No, it's not alright. No matter what I do I feel like I'm stuck in a continuous spiral of guilt and I cannot get out of it. Regardless of what anyone else says I am the worst person alive. I can barely take it.