This is me trying

Should've said no

~You can see that I've been cryin'~

Trigger warning: mentions of abuse and sexual assault

Sitting in the car, it suddenly hits. The person who helped me was Taylor Swift, she was almost unrecognisable, but I recognised her voice and her blonde hair. She is literally my favorite artist and I didn't even recognise her. 

~

We arrive at the station and they take me to a little room to ask me some questions. This won't be easy. 

"Are you okay with us recording this interview? You can ask us to stop anytime, and the footage will only be used against your foster father in the court of law." "Sure, that's fine."

"So for background information, your name is Grace and you are fifteen years old?" "That's correct." "And your foster fathers name is Ralph Johnson and he is fifty-two years old?" "That's also correct." "And how many different homes have you been in?" "Eleven homes, sir." "And lastly how long have you been in Ralph's care?" "Two years." 

"Okay, we will now be going into the actual questions. Has Ralph hurt you on multiple occasions?" okay going straight in there "Yes he has." I start fidgeting with my fingers. "Can you describe how he would hurt you?" "Uhm he would.." I pause, really not wanting to answer the question "He would beat me up for different reasons." I mutter.

"I know this is a tough question, but, did he ever touch you inappropriately?" I immediately look down at the floor, tears forming in my eyes. "If you want to stop, we can." "Can we stop then, please?" "Yeah ofcourse, go take a breath, after you can tell us if you would like to continue." 

I almost jump off of my chair and speedwalk out of the room, into a toilet. Not noticing someone standing close to the entry of the toilets. 

I slide down the wall to the floor and try to keep my breathing under control, I cannot have another panic attack today. I think back to that morning, when Taylor helped me calm down within five minutes, it took a little longer because she obviously wasn't there, but it did help.

Once I had calmed down enough, I walked out of the toilet stall to freshen up, I threw some water in my face and took a deep breath. 

I turned around to walk out of the bathroom and suddenly stood face to face with Taylor again. "Oh honey." she says "I'm fine" I mumble "No you're not." a tear slides down my cheek "Come here." she opens her arms. I hesitate for a second, but step into her embrace and break down again. 

She rests her cheek on my head, and we just stand there for a second. In that moment, I realise this is the safest I have ever felt. 

"Can you tell me what happened?" "They uhm, they were asking questions about uhm, well the situation, and it just got too much. And they weren't even done with the question but I'm not sure if I can keep going." she's quiet for a second "Would you like for me to come with you?" 

I look at her, shocked. "Would you do that for me?" "Yes, you are clearly going through a hard time, and I don't want you to have to do that alone, so shall we?" "Sure."

We walk into the room, and the officer clearly knew what Taylor was about to ask. "Typically, only a parent or guardian is allowed to be in here for questioning, but seeing as her only guardian was just arrested, I'll make an exception." Taylor squeezes my hand, "You'll be fine."

"Please sit down, and we can continue. Grace, do you feel able to answer the question?" right, that question "Uhm well, he did but-" I squeeze my eyes shut for a second "It was my fault, I- I should've said no, or uhm fought back harder." "No, Grace, sexual assault is never the victims fault." I hear Taylor gasp, I realize she didn't know what the question was 

"Has he assaulted you on multiple occasions?" "Yes" I mumble "When was the first time?" "A couple of weeks after I was placed with him." "And most recently?" "I- uhm." I take a deep breath, as a tear rolls down my face "One week ago." I say quickly, while wiping away the tear "Oh honey." I hear Taylor say next to me, as she squeezes my hand again. "Sadly, because of that, a rape kit wouldn't be able to show anything, so that would be unnecessary. Are there any other injuries that need to be checked out?" "No, I'm fine."

"Okay, so your social worker has arrived, she found you a new placement already, so we will go and pick up your stuff, and you will go with her." "Okay." 

"So I guess this is goodbye, will you be okay?" Taylor asks "Yeah, I'll be fine." "Can you promise to call me if you get in trouble again?" "I will, don't worry." She gives me one last hug, before the officers take me back to the house.

~

There she is, my social worker, who only cares about the fact that she can get rid of me, not if she puts me in a good home. We already picked all of my stuff up, so we are ready to go. "I found you a group home, let's go." yes, absolutely emotionless, as expected. I follow her out to her car. "Don't mess up this home, I'm tired of finding you new ones." I nodded

We go out of the car, and walked up to the front door. After knocking, and waiting a couple minutes, the door opened. "This is the new kid, Grace. Good luck with her." After this, my social worker turns around and walks away.

"Okay Grace, for starters, some rules, number one, you are not to speak unless given permission. Number two, you will be getting chores and if you don't do them, or don't do them correctly, you will be punished. And lastly, if you are not doing chores or having a meal, you are not to leave your room. Understand?" I nod "I said do you understand" "Understood ma'am." "This is Amber, she will bring you to your room."

I follow Amber up the stairs to "my" room. That basically means a huge room with a lot of bunk beds. "This is your bunk, you can put your stuff over here." And with that, she leaves.

This is going to be another great placement.

I hope you enjoyed the first two chapters, my dear one reader. I will try to update as often as possible, especially during Christmas break. I am open for suggestions on the book:)