This is me trying

Haunted

~Oh, I'm holding my breath
Won't lose you again~

Tw: mentions of eating disorders, abuse and panic attacks

I suddenly wake up from the same nightmare that has been bothering me for a while now. My breathing is very heavy and I'm shaking over my whole body. Lately, I have been able to calm myself down before it got to a panic attack, but today is different. My brain shoots into a state of panic, and I can't control my breathing anymore.

I hear Taylor in her room, I probably woke her up, so I try to get my breathing under control as quickly as possible, but to no avail. The door opens and Taylor pokes her head through, probably to see what's going on.

Taylor's eyes land on me and she rushes over. She sits on the edge of the bed, most likely because I flinched away other times. But truth is, the one thing I want most right now, is a hug. Although I am never going to ask for it.

Taylor grabs my hand "Breathe for me honey, can you do that?" she takes a couple deep breaths, so I could follow her lead, but nothing comes in, which makes me panic even more. She takes my hand and places it on her chest, so I can feel her heartbeat and her breathing. "Breathe for me, focus on my heartbeat, take some deep breaths."

After a couple minutes of just focusing on Taylor, I finally feel air coming in, and even though my breathing is still shaky, I can feel my heartbeat slowing down. "Good honey, just keep breathing."

We just sit there for a bit, until I almost completely calm down. "Do you want to talk about it?" Taylor asks. I shake my head, I don't want to relive it again tonight.

I look over to check the time. 3 am, she is probably going to try and get me to sleep again.

Then, before I even realize I'm doing it I ask "Can I have a hug?" I say it in almost a whisper so I didn't even expect Taylor to have heard it. "Of course babe." She scoots onto the bed until she is next to me.

She pulls me into a hug and we rock back and forth a little while I calm down completely. Taylor starts combing her fingers through my hair, while keeping me wrapped in a hug.

~

Apparently we both fell asleep, because I wake up, still in Taylor's arms. I try to roll out of her embrace to get out of bed, but she pulls me closer. I freeze, before realizing she is doing it in her sleep.

"Taylor, I need to go to the toilet." I whisper. "Noo, I'm so comfy." She whines. I laugh "I really have to go tho." She finally lets me go. "Alright you can go." She says.
I get out of bed and walk over to the bathroom.

When I get back Taylor is still very comfortable in my bed, but I am very awake now. I decide to go pick out an outfit already and get changed in the bathroom.

When I am changed, I honestly expected Taylor to have woken up, but alas, she is not.

I go downstairs and decide to just make breakfast. That's how my day always used to go and I just work better on a set schedule.

I am almost done making pancakes by the time Taylor wakes up. She walks down stairs and into the kitchen " I can't believe you left me alone." She says making a sad face. "I was awake, and bored so I thought why not just make breakfast."

Taylor sits down at the kitchen island while I finish making the last pancakes. "How do you feel Grace?" "I feel okay, why?" "Just wondering, because of the nightmare and last night."

We sit there in a comfortable silence for a bit while I plate up the pancakes. "I looked in your file yesterday and I saw that you haven't had a check-up at the doctor's in a while, so I booked you an appointment for today, I didn't tell you earlier because I didn't want you to worry about it."