My Boy

Tiny Umbrella

Bea's POV:
I was on a plane to go see the three people I was positive I would have no contact with soon. It was a small plane, Alahna was asleep on my shoulder the second we took off. Nate had got seated a few rows behind us and I was wide away with a pit of nerves in my stomach. What if he'd changed his mind? What if he just felt lonely and needed someone? A series of thoughts flashed through my mind all at once until i placed a cold palm over the surface of my forehead and took a deep breath. "You okay B?" Alahna asked, half asleep. I shifted a little in my seat and plastered a fake smile on my face, nodding in response.

When we landed, Nick sent us a text to let us know they were waiting for us. We looked around until finally Nate spotted Chris from his yellow bandana. We made our way over and my eyes were heavy, almost closed with exhaustion but I pried them open and smiled at Chris and Nick. Matt was nowhere to be seen.

Alahna hugged Chris and then went to hug Nick, Nate followed and I sat down on whatever I could find and just rubbed my temples. I felt shuffling and then quiet as someone sat next to me. "Matt fell asleep and we didn't wanna wake him since he's been having a hard time sleeping." Chris' voice strung, I attempted to nod but my head was so heavy I couldn't move. He then placed a hand on my shoulder. "Bea?" I lifted my head like a ton of bricks and Chris' furrowed brows came in my vision. Next thing I knew I was out cold, eyes shut almost in a dream like state.

"She's worn out just give her time." Alahna's warm voice spoke, Nate's came quickly after in agreement. "Speak to her when the time is right. Each of you. When you hear what she has to say everything will make sense." At this point I was wide awake on my side, my back towards them, just struggling to announce I was up. Until I had no choice, Nick walked around the bed and crouched down so his head was at eye level. "Drink this, Alahna made pasta and you need to eat some." He said soothingly, I nodded with the covers up to just under my eyes and I could see the knowing look in his eye. A much due conversation was to be had with each brother.

Coming to LA had forced me to face the three things I had been in denial about in Boston for months. It was early in the day still, so as I sat up and Alahna slumped next to me with a plate, I felt a lot calmer. She was apart of my routine, my best friend who I'd go crazy without. I was sat up, slowly eating.

I was deep in thought, in memory of a dark period in my life. My mental health had taken a decline in Sophmore year, my grades had slipped after my best friend Nolan had passed away. My parents tried their best to honour him but the moment we came to Boston, I knew they needed a fresh start just as much as I did. The memories of finding their daughter passed out from OD attempts, getting high with her friends. It wasn't me. It wasn't me.

This time of year always made me nostalgic of those dark memories. I'd suppressed a lot of those negative feelings in order to keep my parents happy, believing I was okay. They still insisted I take the bipolar meds I'd been prescribed since, I did take them. Sometimes. Nolan was everything. Talking about him was never an option, everyone around me knew that. I was not emotionally mature enough to face that pain, not yet. Alahna was pretty well versed on my way of handling and focusing that pain on being spontaneous and optimistic for the future.

Kali was the first friend I'd made in Boston. She was new there too, it just made sense. I was well aware of her dark past, the struggles she'd faced and I knew if anyone would understand me it was her. We grew close quickly, Kali was used to my bipolar tendencies, the intense mood swings and the intense periods of time I'd disappear. She knew I'd always come back. When I did she would just hold out both hands and ask me to pick one. There'd be a chocolate in both hands so either way I was always welcomed back with her warm eyes and sweet treats.

Alahna was next. We sat together in our art class, she complimented my "super swag" dress sense and I told her she had the prettiest eyes I'd ever seen. It never once felt forced with Alahna, we were like two peas in a pod, with a tiny one wedged inbetween us called Kali. We were at our happiest when we were together, they both fell in love the moment I introduced them. Kali had asked me about Alahna first and I remember seeing a glint in her eye that screamed intrigue. She was immediately drawn, I did the thing any girls girl would do and made sure to talk as highly as I could about Kali. It didn't take long for them to click and everything felt right.

Alahna introduced me to them. Matt, Chris, Nick, Elmer, Nate and of course Makai. There were a few others but this was my group, my people. When I met Matt, Nick and Chris, my eyes drew to Matt. I remember his floppy hair and innocent smile, I remember sitting by him and watching him stumble on his words. Chris always seemed the type of guy I could go to no matter what, a cheeky grin from him would cheer me up in seconds. He always made me laugh and gave the best hugs. Nick. Nick was my best friend. I saw Nolan in him, his witty humour, quick remarks and fiercely protective nature. It felt wrong to try and replace him but I couldn't fight the comfort Nick's presence always brought me. He was truly one of the best friends I'd ever had.

Memories swarmed my mind, it was almost a state of dream-like mania. It happened often, typically when I hadn't slept. I would feel like a zombie, laying there restless with thoughts of the past holding me hostage. My friends were aware of this, it wasn't all that shocking as we all had issues. Each of us had our own individual ticks and unusual behaviours, all weaved into intricate strands of trauma which formed our actions.

Almost as if I'd been snapped out of it, I stood up out of bed and placed a palm on my forehead. There were so many thoughts in my mind as I quickly threw on a hoodie and put my hair up. As I walked out of the room and into the kitchen, Alahna held out a hand for me to take which I did, I joined her on the island and sat beside her. Chris was in front of her making fresh juice. He asked me how I was and I nodded, plastering a smile on my face to reassure him.

I felt someone take a seat next to me and when I looked up I saw Nate's kind eyes. "I have good news" he cheesed. I couldn't help but smile a genuine smile back as I asked "what?" His lips pulled up higher if even possible as he responded "Elmer's on his way. The band is back." He chuckled, as I actually smile. I leaned my head on his shoulder as Chris handed me a glass of juice, anticipating my reaction. He'd added a tiny umbrella and a swirly straw like the kind we used to drink out of in summer times to pretend we were somewhere exotic.

"Woah. Chris that's really good." I said as I sipped almost half of it while leaning my head on Nate. He exhaled and high fived me and Alahna as we all enjoyed his juice. Nate had turned himself slightly so my head was basically on his chest, I'd always been affectionate with my friends and vice versa. Seconds later I heard Nate clear his throat and I looked up at him to see his eyes away from mine. When I followed his sight I saw him.

It was like a bucket of cold water was thrown over my head, I was immediately reminded of the reasons of being here. I excused myself and made my way to Matt, whose tired eyes stayed on mine. Everyone continued their conversations as I waited for Matt to lead the way for somewhere to talk. He wasted no time and gently took my wrist, beginning to walk. In seconds there were goosebumps up my arm, I could tell he noticed but he didn't say anything, he just looked at me with a look in his eye that couldn't be described with words. A look that made my entire body ache.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, my voice quiet as usual whenever I was around him. He let me sit on the couch and stood in front of me. I looked up at him, waiting for his response, needing him to tell me he was okay. "I need you here." He whispered the same thing he'd said on the phone the other day.

"Matt." I whispered.
"Please Bea. Don't look at me like that." He pleaded.
"Like what?" I sighed, my head falling into my hands. It always felt like we misunderstood each other.
I felt movement and then two big hands over mine, slowly prying them away from my face. He was crouched down, face to face with me as he placed my hands on my lap. "I'm okay Bean. I just need you to stay. Will you do that? For me?" He asked, his eyes on mine like a hawk. I couldn't do anything but nod. I was fucking stupid, we hadn't even spoken about the kiss properly. I was so stupid.

"There's a beach nearby. Do you want to walk it with me tomorrow?" He asked. "Don't hurt me Matt." I said, ignoring his question. I saw the flash of regret in his eyes, he tucked a stray hair away from my face and exhaled. "Trust me bean. Tomorrow morning, bright and early." He confirmed his earlier plans, I didn't say anything back. His hand traced the palm of my hand and a small smile pinned on my face at the nostalgic moment. He'd done that a week after we met when I'd fallen and hit my head playing volleyball. He'd waited with me in the nurses office.

When we walked back into the kitchen, conversations were flowing and I was feeling a little lighter. Matt went and grabbed a glass of juice, I was sat with Alahna watching her play imessage games with Kali. When I looked up next, Matt had a tiny umbrella resting on his ear, his hair tucked back neatly behind it.

Among the thousands of thoughts running through my mind, one was in bright colours, bold and louder than the rest. Beautiful boy.