Daddy Issues

13 - Only darkness brings me peace

TW: Sexual content

I've been staring at the screen of my laptop for a few hours now, without much to show for it. I've been doing some tests that show you what jobs might be good for you based on your capabilities. They told me I might be a good doctor. I nearly flung the thing through the window.

Then I googled things like How do I find my life goal? and How do I find my passion? but that last search made me end up at some very different sites than I intended, which got me distracted.

A little after noon, I decide to give up. I promised Mel I'd try to figure out some sort of plan and I did try, didn't I? I'll pick it up again later.

With more enthusiasm than I care to admit, I pick up my book instead. I read some more while Dan was cooking yesterday, but since we put on the movie afterwards, I didn't get any further.

We had fun watching it. We talked some more than we did with the first one. I found out he likes to ask stupid questions during the movie like What's happening now? or What's he going to do? and of course I mocked him for it. He mocked me right back though, when I screamed at a jump scare that he apparently saw coming a mile away.

I find the note that marks my page to get back to reading, but just before I do, my focus drifts to the note itself. I didn't pay any attention to it yesterday, so I hadn't noticed the words written on it before.

Every breath I take is torture
'Cause every breath I'd give to you
I can't stand the light without you
Only darkness brings me peace

I raise an eyebrow and turn it around to check for more, but the back of the note is empty. The text does continue, but since I ripped only half the page off, I can't read it.

Curiously, I get up to look for the notebook I ripped the page out of, but it's no longer in the place where I found it. I don't see it anywhere else in the living room either, so I drop back onto the couch.

It has to be Dan's. He must have moved it and besides, I can't imagine Mom writing cryptic messages like this. I wonder what it's about.

Curious to find out more, I snap a picture of the note and send it to him.

Didn't know you were a poet, I add.

I stare at the screen for a few seconds, but there's no response. So I shrug and put it away. It's time to read.

---

Two hours later, I've finished the book. I put it down in half a daze and wipe at the tears that are still rolling down my cheeks. The last few chapters were brutal. Beautiful, but brutal. I blink a few times to get back to myself. And to the boring world around me that I almost forgot about.

I have to text Mel to admit that she was right. I should have listened to her all those times she recommended her favorite books to me. And I should probably thank Dan for the book as well.

But when I grab my phone, I see that I already have a message from him. I hadn't looked at my phone for hours and I'd already half-forgotten about the note.

Have you been going through my stuff?

I get a little anxious looking at the message. What if it was something personal and he's mad at me for ripping it from the notebook?

No. Your notebook was in the living room. I was just looking for something to mark my page with. Sorry, I'll give it back.

I expect him to take his time to respond again, but just as I'm starting to text Mel, a message appears already.