Daddy Issues

33 - Work it out

I stayed with Mel and her parents for as long as I could, but eventually everyone had to go to bed because they have work tomorrow. Mel told me I could spend the night at her place if I wanted, but I asked her to drive me home. I don't want to inconvenience her by sleeping on the couch, I know she likes her space. And besides, I'd like some of my own clothes at some point.

It was somewhat therapeutical to tell Mel's parents about dropping out. Maybe, the more people I talk to about it, the easier it will get to tell Mom. Though I should be careful. Because if she hears it from anyone but me, it's sure to be a disaster.

I get home around 11 and open the door quietly, hoping that they've gone to be bed. To my relief, I find the living room dark and empty. But I still make sure to be quiet as I take off my shoes and head upstairs. Only then I hear it. Raised voices coming from my mother's bedroom. I stand still at the top of the stairs to try and listen, but I can barely make it out. I can hear my mother first.

'... always been like this,' followed by something I can't hear. Then, '... so upset by this.'

I can hear Dan's reaction a little more clearly.

'You don't understand? I don't understand! She could be dead in a ditch somewhere.'

'Oh my God!' Something muffled, '... being ridiculous. She's a...'

She's a what? I can't make it out anymore. It sounds like she's walking around the room or something and the further she gets from the door, the harder it gets to hear.

As quietly as I can, I shuffle past my room to theirs and press my ear against the door to listen. When I get close enough to hear clearly, Dan seems to have become more upset.

'... very clearly can't take care of herself-'

'Ugh!' I scoff indignantly to myself.

'- but that's not her fault. It's starting to look to me like nobody ever did take care of her!'

'Excuse me?'

'How can you not be in the least bit concerned when your daughter doesn't show up for over 24 hours and you've no idea whether she's okay at all?'

'If Emma doesn't want to let me know where she is, that's her right. She doesn't even live her anymore, does she? What am I supposed to do, call her every night to make sure she's safe in her bed? She's an adult, Dan.'

'No, best not to call her at all, right? You don't know what goes on in her life, you don't have a clue what she's dealing with!'

I suck on my lip as I listen. He's not going to blurt out the news about med school in his anger, is he?

'Emma's fine!' Mom yells back, sounding more and more exasperated. 'What's this obsession with Emma all of a sudden, Dan? It's not your concern, she's not your daughter!'

'She's not fine! You think she doesn't realize that you don't want her to be here? Think it doesn't hurt her when you leave her behind the second you get back from your trip?'

'Oh my God, not this again. You act like I refuse her to stay in this house, like I go out of my way not to see her. I'm happy to see her! But if I wasn't, can you blame me? You've seen her over Christmas, she can be insufferable! She's not stupid enough to think I'd welcome her back with open arms after all that.'

'She only acts like that because you push her too much. These past few weeks, we got along great.'

'For fuck's sake, really?'

Mom cursing? It has to be really bad then.

'You've known her for two weeks and you think you've got her all figured out? I've been dealing with her for 23 years!'