I see the light

Chapter 8

(Dipper pov)

I sit on my bed, my hat laying on my bed. My hair is loose around my shoulders, knotted in several areas from not brushing it during the last two days. Ford uses a damp wash cloth to get the last of the face paint off my face. I look down at my hands. No matter how much I scrubbed them clean, there are still traces of blue paint under my nails. Just another reminder of the worst mistake of my life.

"There. It's like it never happened." Ford stands up, brushing some hair behind my ear before he walks towards the door. "I'm going to be making some hazelnut soup for lunch. Your favorite." When I don't answer him I hear him sigh slightly. "I tried to warn you, Dipper. The world is a horrible dark place. And when it finds even the slightest ray of sunshine, it crushes it like it's nothing." He walks out of the room heading downstairs.

I feel tears stinging my eyes as Pascal crawls onto my lap.

"How could I have been so stupid, Pascal? To think that anyone could ever care about me. I mean, I'm some freak who has spent my whole life locked in a tower. It's no wonder that he left. I should have just stayed in here with Ford. Then nothing would have ever happened."

I get up walking to my desk. I glance at the mirror that hangs above my desk. I hate every part of me that I see in the mirror. It's all just a reflection of the worst parts of me. I wish I could just make the worst parts of me go away forever. Looking down I pick up the wanted flier for Bill that I had found in his bag along with the crown originally.

"Ford knows best,
Should've listened to him
It's a scary world out there

Ford knows best,

One way or another

Things always go wrong, I swear

Gullible, naive,
P

ositively grubby,

Ditzy and a bit, well -

Vague

Plus I believe

He never really loved me

I'm just saying

'Cause I loved you

Ford's right here,

Ford will protect me,

I'll do whatever he suggests

Skip the drama,

Stay with him

Ford knows best"

I feel tears spilling down my face. How could I ever be so stupid to believe that I of all people was worth being loved or cared for? I mean, the first chance he got he traded me for that stupid crown. The world is as horrible as Ford always told me, I was just too fucking stupid and naieve to see the truth. I crumple the flier in my hands, feeling rage burning through me with my heartbreak and sadness.

"All those days
Watching from the windows
All those years
Outside looking in
All that time
Never even knowing
Just how blind I've been