Undiagnosed

Chapter 16

I squeezed my eyes tightly as I registered light behind my eyelids. It hurt. I placed my hand over my eyes and my throat grew tight at the movement, nausea hitting me like a runaway train. I took a deep breath, hoping to ease it. My head throbbed and I questioned if I was dying. I surely feel like it. I slowly sat up on my elbows, wrenching my eyes open. The light stung but I looked down, realizing I was still in my clothes from last night and on top of my covers. I went to roll over onto my back but stopped. I was gonna be majorly sick. I jumped up slamming into my door before throwing it open and rushing over to the bathroom. I fell to my knees before throwing up everything in my system. My abdominal muscles ached by the time I was done, and I sat back against the tub. Once I regained my strength I stood on shaky legs and got in the shower, taking my toothbrush and toothpaste with me. I felt so much better after my shower but I forgot my clothes. So I peaked my head out of the bathroom and sprinted across the hall when I saw it was clear.

I got dressed in some soft shorts and a tank top before slowly making my way downstairs. Jake was sitting on the couch intently watching sports highlights on the tv as I made my way to the kitchen. I pulled out some leftover biscuits that Jake made yesterday as well as some sausage and gravy. Hopefully the food and some water will make me feel better. While my food was heating up, I took some tylenol with a lot of water. “Mornin’.” I turned to find Jake in the doorway. His voice was quiet, which was odd for him. Usually he’s more excited to greet me. “Good morning.” I was a little quiet myself but that’s just because I was worried if I was louder I’d make my head hurt more. The microwave went off and I pulled my food out and set it on the island. “Can… can we talk about last night?” Jake asked and I raised a brow. “I mean, I know I was drunk. I really shouldn’t have driven home. I’m sorry if I disturbed you when I came in.” I said, taking a bite of the biscuit. “That’s not what I want to talk about, Katie.” I looked up at him confused when an image flashed through my head. Me on my knees in front of him. I gasped, turning and facing away from him. “Oh my god.” I whispered to myself. “Katie-” I cut him off as tears streamed down my cheeks. I rushed past him and up the stairs to my room, slamming the door shut behind me. I can’t believe I did that! And he wanted to talk about it? Probably to tell me to leave.
No man will ever want you. My mother’s voice. I had to get her out of my head. God he probably thought I was desperate. You’re a whore. I could scream. “Get out of my head.” I sunk down the door, gripping my head. A knock on the door startled me and pulled me out of my head. “Katie?” What do I do? What do I say? Another knock. “Katie please.” He sounded worried. But I couldn’t face him. I couldn’t look at him. “Go… go away.” It took a second to muster up the words. “Katie-” “Jake,” My voice broke as tears streamed down my cheeks. “Please.” Silence filled the space for what felt like hours, but in reality was probably a minute. I heard movement before he spoke again. “Your food is out here.” He said, his voice low and gentle before I heard him walk away. I sat there for a few minutes, making sure he really was gone and not worried if my food got cold, before gently turning the knob, hoping it wouldn’t make a sound and cracking the door open.
I looked around like a frightened animal, ensuring he was nowhere to be seen before snatching the plate and closing my door. I wouldn’t have worried about the food, would’ve left it downstairs completely had it not been for this god awful hangover. Tears fell into my food, but I didn’t care. I shouldn’t be crying. I did this to myself. You can’t cry about things you brought on yourself. Once I was done I attempted to read ahead in my text book and look over the notes for monday, that way I would be ahead, but I didn’t get far. I still felt like shit so I took a nap. I woke up to a single knock on my door and retreating footsteps. I gave it a minute and opened the door to find two water bottles. I grabbed them both and went back to studying. Once I heard the shower in Jake’s bathroom cut on, I left my room. I took the plate downstairs, washing my dishes, grabbing more water and rushed back upstairs. Jake never took long showers and I didn’t want him to catch me out of my room. Once I was back in my room I decided I was done studying and picked up a book, deciding I'd be better off losing myself to a fictional world. I don’t know how long I was reading for when a knock sounded on my door. “I’m going to bed.” He waited for an answer but his voice made tears come to my eyes. He sighed. “Goodnight, Katie.” It was quiet and I wanted to speak up but I couldn’t. I finally found my voice as I heard him walking away. “Goodnight Jake.” I don’t know if he heard me, but I hope he did.