War Dog

Chapter 93

"Hey Sis," I lean forwards, and yet I can't bare to look at her so tiny in the bed. She'd been so small ever since I'd outgrown her when I was ten, she was sixteen. She'd been mad at Shane for years for having the audacity to be taller when he hit ten, and then it was my turn to have that annoyance turned towards me. She'd always been so graceless at being short. And now she didn't have a care in the world about height.

"I know every one is missing you so much, and they're all saying the same thing. But you need to come back, Ceri. I've lost you and Shane in this mess. He's always gone. He can't bare to look me in the eyes. I can see the guilt. It's every where you know. Everyone is blaming themselves. I feel like everyone thinks I'm blaming them. They all act like I carry the plague, you know. Except Laswell. I can see why you like her. She's no nonsense. She's asked me to join her at the CIA. I think that would be a better fit for me rather than here..." Finally I turn to look at her laying prone on the bed.

"I don't, you know. Blame them, that is. I think you'd be the only to actually believe me when I say that. You'd be yelling at all of these fools at how stupid they're acting." I chuckle softly, a small affectionate sound. "You always were a mother hen. It does not surprise me in the slightest you adopted a small child hybrid. She's started calling you mum since I've been here. I think you'd be simultaneously pleased and horrified. I know you never wanted kids. You never wanted to end up like mum. I don't blame you. You always acted more like our mother than she did. I think that's why she hated you so much, you know?"

I lean over her, pulling the blanket up under her chin knowing how much she hated the cold. "If you were able to have kids of your own, even as a hybrid you'd have made a good mother. Shane and I came out ok, and you had forces working against you. Without our parents causing problems, you'd do well..."

I look up as I hear the door creak open to find Ben coming into the room. 

"What's the prognosis today, Doc?" I ask. He grimaces in response.

"Do you think she'd be overly annoyed at everyone blaming themselves?" He asks instead of answering my question, looking down at the one hybrid he'd been charged on looking after before gaining a second.

"She would hate it. She always did, even before her senses became enhanced... She was always a big believer in taking responsibility for her own actions."

He nods, deep in thought. "And yet I still feel as if I should have tried harder to save her. Tried hard enough that she'd argue with me saying she was fine and attempt to leave despite being told no...Having her just lay there is worse than when she was poisoned. She could at least talk back and argue with me."

"Everyone blaming themselves doesn't help any. I truly believe there is nothing any of you could have prevented this. She would not have been able to live with herself knowing she could have stopped one of her team mates from dying. That it happened to be Soap? Outside of Ghost also being in danger, she would have moved heaven and Earth to save him."

He paused to look at me with a considering expression. "You didn't include yourself or Shane on that list."

I grin wryly. "She would set the world on fire and laugh in the ashes if Shane or myself ever faced true danger."

"Very apt description I think. She seems to have a way of collecting people doesn't she?"

"She always has. She considers you family too, you know."

He nods, mulling over my words. "I'd suspected as much. She shows me entirely too much disrespect to consider me anything else."

I snort, "Yeah, you'd think she'd run out of sass eventually. Where does she even store it all in that tiny assed body of hers?"

"Right? My God." He chuckles, and I feel like some of the guilt he'd been feeling upon entry had dissipated. He steps forward checking all of Ceri's vitals.

"To answer your question, she still... is. The machines are keeping her alive and we haven't had any more scares."

"Scares?" I ask frowning. Ben looks at me in alarm.

"No one told you?" At my answer indicating the negative he growls. It seems like a habit he'd picked up from Ceri. "Just after the first month, her vitals went down and we had to take her into surgery. She had internal bleeding to the brain that had been getting steadily worse we hadn't picked up on. We've been monitoring that better since and she seems..."

"Fine?" I offered, not pleased no one had told me about her situation. I must have been getting ready to fly in, the timing seemed right.

"I wouldn't say fine, considering she's" he gestured at her helplessly, "still like this. But yes, fine is somewhat appropriate. Stabilized would be a better word."

I nod, letting the anger go I'd felt at realising no one had informed me about her destabilized condition. I'd yell at someone later. For now, I simply enjoyed the presence of my sister as Ben and I continued to talk. It dawned on me later he must have heard me speaking to her. He took me at face value when I mentioned I didn't blame anyone and had made a concerted effort to talk with me. I appreciated that, though not the eavesdropping.

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"Shane, slow down." Gaz's voice was filled with frustration. The bond tugged at me gently, urging me to listen to my handler. I was tempted to disobey but knew deep down that wasn't fair on Gaz, so I pulled up short and waited for him to catch up. Before I could charge ahead again he stepped in front of me, forcing me to look at him.

"Shane, we need to stop this. You can't keep running us ragged. Ceri said you guys had wicked stamina, and I hadn't quiet believed her. But I can't compete with you. We have been all over the world some countries twice in three months trying to catch Makarov."

I went to shove past him, determined not to listen to the shit he was spewing as anger bubbled below the surface. I growled as I felt his hand against my chest his fingers tucking into my tac-vest.

"No," He growled softly at me. "This stops now. We are headed back to base. Tonight." 

I stare at Gaz, a snarl curling my lips. "No." The one word so full of vitriol that I expected Gaz to unhand me and step away. If anything it encouraged him to step in closer. Stupid man, didn't he know I could snap his neck easily?

"We have to go back, Shane. I want to go back and at least go see your sister. She was my friend, you know and I haven't even had a chance to check on her since we bought her back. You haven't even been to see your sister even on our brief stints when we were on base."

"You go back then!" I snap, the anger bubbling over. I brush Gaz's hand off my chest and stride away from him.

"Stop."  His voice is strong, firm. The bond designed to attach us to our handlers couldn't handle outright rejection of orders. At least not without a lot of grief on our part. I push through the instincts within me to obey him. I keep walking away even as I struggle. 

"I thought this might happen," he says softly, and I'm not sure if he intended me to hear or not. I frown confused at his words. "I'm so sorry." I know now he's definitely speaking to me. At his apology I stop and turn around to ask what he's talking about. It's only as a dart hit's my neck and I see Ghost approaching in double vision I remember a warning my sister had given me before she'd left. I needed to learn to detect the scents that didn't match the surroundings, and then I passed out. 

When I woke back up, the headache was fierce and the thirst was worse. Gaz noticed me stirring, and he seemed to know what was up. He stood up with a little cup with a straw and helped me sip the water. 

"You bastard," I croak. "You darted me."

"I know," he says and I can scent the sadness wafting off of him. Finally I take a good look at my handler and I see the toll the last three months has had on him. The dark bags under his eyes, the fatigue the sheer sadness wafting from him all hit me hard and I looked away knowing I was the real bastard. 

"How is she?" I ask, not sure I really wanted to know.

"The same. Unchanged."

I nod and stare up at the ceiling wishing I could take a paracetamol for the raging headache.