A passion for Mushrooms

Clear Evidence of Affection

Gandalf’s first words to Bilbo when they had been left alone for a few minutes over tea were, “I am astounded to find you are not yet married. Whatever are you waiting for my dear boy?”

Spluttering in outrage, Bilbo gave the wizard to understand that he had never even once in his life been in a position to seriously consider marriage, knew of no potential candidates for a spouse, and would thank interfering big people to keep their oversized noses to themselves.

Looking down at the hobbit sternly, Gandalf said, “Am I supposed to forget that I saw you feed Thorin with your own fork in front of all the mountain not six months ago?”

Defeated, Bilbo toyed with his teacup. It was unfortunately dwarvish that they were having only tea for tea. There was not even a single biscuit to grant the hobbit solace in his time of disappointment. “I offered him my magic ring. He did not want it.”

“Ah.” Gandalf looked a bit surprised at this news. “Well then I am sorry for bringing it up, Bilbo. You are quite right, it is none of my business. In light of that, are you entirely certain you care to remain in Erebor? I might have a little time to see you home after the celebrations.”

Just as Gandalf asked this question, they were joined once more by Thorin and a few others of the company. Rather than pretend politely that he had not heard, the king instantly demanded, “In what light would he wish to leave? This is his home!”

Bilbo almost laughed at the ferociousness in Thorin’s face and the utter lack of awe on Gandalf’s. Instead he said, “No light at all, Thorin. Gandalf was only checking.”

Grumbling, the king accepted the cup of tea Bilbo offered and placed himself very obviously between the wizard and the hobbit. “It would be a poor ending to our friendship, old man, if you tried to take my burglar.”

“I was not aware that he was yours to keep,” Gandalf said mildly. It caused Bilbo a little shock of pain to hear the wizard make so light of the dashing of all his hopes, but he smiled amiably in what he assumed was the dwarven custom, pretending that he had never had any such dreams at all.

Perhaps custom decreed that as the one who did the rejecting he was freer to act, because Thorin growled defensively up at the man. “Maybe not, but if you try to take him when he does not wish to go, your magic had best be enough to defeat all the armies of the dwarves and any who would call themselves my allies besides.”

“Peace.” Gandalf gave them a little smile. “I am not here for Bilbo. I wish to speak about your treaty with Rohan.”

In fact, Gandalf had a number of points about the treaty that no one had yet considered, and some very good advice for both sides. Mutual defense at such a distance had seemed untenable during the initial negotiations, but that was Gandalf. He was always thinking of defending the land against great armies of an unknown enemy. At least, the enemy was unknown to Bilbo, for surely Azog was dead and the ancient evils had passed into legend. Yet the wizard had been right to worry about orcs attempting to take Erebor, and Thorin was more willing than most to listen to his fears for the future.

Bilbo had very little to offer in such councils, but he was honored to remain and listen. “Oh no,” he said quickly, “You must not have Theodwyn stand with Sigrid and Tauriel.”

“Why not? They are friends, and will look well together being of a height.” Thorin asked.

Bilbo hesitated. The truth was that if Tauriel did not get to stand among the veterans of the battle, Kili would quite rightly pitch a fit. However, this truth was unlikely to sway Thorin. “Well, I shall need Tauriel’s help in the morning to plant my acorn. Very complicated thing, planting acorns.” Definitely more complicated than sticking it in the ground the right way up, yes sir. There was covering it with good soil as well. “It might take us a little while and then to get back to the ceremony in Dale. Best if you just leave it to us to sneak in and find a place. She’s nearly as quiet on her feet as a hobbit, so we won’t disturb anything.”