Me, Myself, and I

a less mild confession

My head was silent as my car crawled down the spring roads. This branch felt heavier than the rest of the plan. A branch I was stretching every one of my limbs to make contact with. If it snapped, I'd be back to stage one. I wasn't sure I'd be able to get back up again.

I knew my luck, or the lack there of. I didn't expect to find his car in the driveway, nor anyone to answer when I marched up to the Wood's mansion doorstep. It was supposed to be a long-shot, that Kyle was telling the truth for once.

Instead, fitted in a bathroom and unkempt hair, Kyle Wood slung the door open.

His eyes were in a haze. "Whaddo you want now, White?"

Suddenly my resolve was somewhere far, far away. I let myself in, and he trailed me as we journeyed to the coffee table. My eyes steadied on him as I set down my dad's laptop and let it open to the tabs. The papers that I'd pressed between the screen and the keyboard catapulted to the kitchen floor.

"I need your help."

"What else is new?" He laughed, playing with an orange fidget spinner. "That's not my problem."

"You told me to come here, didn't you?"

"Changed my mind."

"I found more letters and files. She's been on the move. I just need you to read some documents I found. I'm..." Did I tell him? What did I have to lose? "I want to find her. My mom. And I thought—"

"You thought wrong." He closed the laptop. "Why are you really here?"

"I told you—"

"Don't you got your own posse for stuff like this?"

My heart dropped. "They don't get it."

"And I do?"

I crossed my arms. "Well, I know you won't rat me out. Because to do that, you'd have to talk to my dad, which I know you won't do. And...frankly, you're good at disappearing. So if anyone can help me find my mother, it's you."

He circled me into the kitchen, pulling a can out. He finished in two swigs and crunched it up, chewing on the metal. "You got me there. You Whites have a knack for getting into other people's business. I swear, if he..." Kyle shook his head. "Get out." I stared at my laptop, trying not to focus on the wild thumping in my head. Kyle chucked the can. "Now."

I nodded, grabbing the case. I started towards the door, hand on the knob. But that was the second time I dared say my ambition out loud, and the adrenaline more rejection had left in my chest was too much to walk out now. He was my last shot.

I thought of those websites. I thought of those printed documents.

"Kyle?"

"Hmm?"

"How come you're home?"

"Huh?"

I frowned. "Ben said you were still in school."

"So? Told you, I'm visiting."

In college. All Ben ever said about him. Where? No answer. What? Nothing. Just the same one answer loop. If it were anyone else, I'd say he was just convincing himself. But that's the answer Ben needed, how he could miss him less. Fewer words.

"What's your major?"

"Undecided."

"That's impossible." I stepped closer. "You'd be a senior. Actually, you'd be—"

He turned around. "I took a gap year."

That's not what Ben said. Ben couldn't lie, not properly, didn't know how. Kyle is in college. But the visits, so random, a day in the middle of the week. And all those letters Ben would send out, returned with no response. Kyle said he never got letters, that his PR box was screwed up. I had a long shot. I eyed the can on the ground and stuttered back, eyes on his crooked figure leaning against the wall.

"You were never enrolled at all, were you? You...you never graduated high school."

Kyle looked up at me, held my eyes for a long time. Didn't break, just stared harder, harder, waiting for me to crack. Shatter like a glass bottle against the wall. Instead, I spoke, louder this time, stepped closer.

"What have you been doing all this time?"

"What's it to you?" He went to grab the laptop, I tugged it back, fell against the couch. His voice grew, sucked the air like a vacuum. "Maybe you should spend a little less time digging into my life and a little more time fixing up the train-wreck that's yours. Flunk."

I shook my head. "Ben said that—"

His dark eyes caught mine. He had a fistful of my shirt in his hand. "Don't you dare say a word to him or I swear—"

"I won't. I won't. I just—"

He dropped me. "Out, White."

"There's nothing on you. You weren't in the graduating photo for your class." I opened my laptop again. Oh, why did I have to open my laptop again? More searching, and I ignored his shadow over my head. Clicked around the sites, deeper and deeper through links. "Nothing in the yearbooks, no clubs. I mean, it's like you never—"

"You just don't know when to stop, do you?"

He grabbed the laptop. Oh crap, he grabbed the laptop.

I eyed the crushed can on the ground. "I'm sorry. You're right." I grabbed after him, but he wheeled around. "I should go."

He scrolled. "Yeah."

"I'm gonna need that back."

"Yours?" He held it up.

"No, no it's...borrowed."

He grinned. "You know what I think? I think you stole this from Rich." I cringed. "I knew it! I bet he's got it all filed up in here, doesn't he? I think I'll just hold onto this for a while." He went farther away, balancing the thing on his palm. "I'll let you know if I find anything."

"Kyle—"

"What? I'll help you with your little mommy project. I just need the right resources."

"Just let me..."

I touched his arm. He gripped the laptop harder, shoved me off of him. I hit the ground as the front door crept open.

Ben tossed a jacket to the ground, adjusting his cap.

He froze at the stairway. I pushed myself off the ground. Kyle muttered something, tossing me the case back before collapsing into the couch.

"What's going on?" Ben said.

I blinked. He was in front of Kyle, arms crossed. He seemed stronger now, taller even.

I hugged the laptop to my chest. "I should really go."

Kyle muttered something again. I don't know what exactly he called me, but whatever it was, Ben wasn't happy about it. I heard the sound first, a crack of skin breaking through the air. Kyle gripped his nose with the edge of his robe, hunched over. He shoved Ben back, staring at the nose blood on his sleeve.

"WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO YOU, KID? SHE'S NOT EVEN YOUR GIRLFRIEND."

I noticed for the first time how bloodshot Ben's eyes were. "Doesn't matter anyway. I don't have one of those anymore."