the placebo effect ✘ jaywon

23: BACK HOME

a/n ::

the night was brighter when you lingered~ and love was a mystery 'till you walk by my side~ but now my heart's singing and tonight i'll be fine ❤️

i hope the last scene will have that song's vibe~~ 🤩🎧 p.s i didn't proofread again hehe

✘

Jay swears he had stopped breathing the moment the elevator doors opened and his eyes locked with Jungwon's. How long has it been? Maybe not even two weeks since he had last seen him, but it felt like forever had passed. Instantly, his heart raced and he looked away, walking inside as he clutched on the bag of food he had cooked because he felt as though he could lose grasp of everything and just reach in and press his lips against Jungwon's.

He doesn't even look, scared he'll do just that. He can't, not when they promised, and not when he worked so hard not to text Jungwon or see him around the dorms and university. Still, he occasionally steals a glimpse of Jungwon through the corner of his eyes.

Even with all that hard work to move on with his life (barely anything has changed), he holds the hem of his shirt to grab every inch of his remaining sanity and glances at Jungwon and he mutters out before he can even stop himself. "Hi."

"Hey," Jungwon says, and just like that, everything comes tumbling down for Jay. He lets go of the hem of his shirt and tries to relax himself but it's hard when he feels his stomach twisting and his heart beating loudly, he was frightened Jungwon could hear it.

Jungwon awkwardly clears his throat and Jay says, "I haven't seen you in a while."

"Yeah, me neither," Jungwon says and Jay glances away. He wonders, does he look good right now? Does he look silly with the glasses, the platinum hair? Does Jungwon notice? 'Of course he does, it's a whole new hair color.' He thinks to himself but he glances at Jungwon again who's staring at him and he wonders if Jungwon thinks it suits him.

"So-" "So-" Jungwon does that face when he's embarrassed, like he's frozen for a second with that tiny scrunch of his nose that's barely noticeable, and Jay smiles and chuckles. He's adorable. How can Jungwon be so cute yet handsome at the same time?

"You go first," Jay says.

"Oh, no, you go."

"I just wanted to ask if you've been doing good," Jay murmurs. When Jungwon replies he has, he should feel happy. But Jay feels somewhat disappointed, because he feels absolutely miserable and Jungwon's doing just fine. In his mind, he slaps himself for thinking that. 'No, it should be a good thing. Jungwon is happy, I should be happy.'

"Have you?" Jungwon asks.

'No. Not without you in my life.' "Yeah," Jay lies, nodding his head a bit as if to convince himself as well.

Soon, they reached the floor he had to be on. "Well, I'll see you," Jay murmurs and leaves the elevator without looking back. He thinks that if he does, he will run back to Jungwon and take him into his arms.

Instead, he clutches on to the food he brought and knocks on the door, and it swings open and his friend greets him with a hug. There's a little party for their little culinary friend group from university. They all planned to bring along home-cooked meals to have it honestly rated by each other. It was his closest friend in the group, the host of the party, who hugs him, and Jay glances at the elevator and sees that it has already closed.

✘

It's hard to focus when all he's thinking of is Jungwon. At this point, they're all playing a game but Jay's phone buzzes.