Just A Pretty Little Field

11

-ding-

*Hey girly!*

*What's up Cas!*

*Can I come over, do some hw and chill?:)*

*Duhh! :)*

*Cool, omw:)*

As soon as she got here, I know, well she barged through my door after all.

"Hey my love! How are you?"

"I've been alright." I say shyly.

"I know that look. I know that look too good. Who is it? Tell me!"

"What look are you talking about?"

"I have also seen the way Ronan looks at you. Along with the other guy. Ace, is it?"

"It's not like that Cas."

I mean it could never be like that. Even if both of them remind me of the boy. It's still not the same. I also have too much to be working on. Like being an astronomer.

"I think romance is a beautiful concept Cas, especially the type of romance you and Dev have. In all honesty though, I prefer to just stay single. I mean with school and everything. I would much rather focus on school and-"

"But Lexie, that's all you ever do. Since we were kids, all you've ever done is constantly envelop yourself into school work. Becoming an astronomer. I understand. It's your dream, I'm not saying you shouldn't follow your dreams, but I am saying you should live your life. It's only one life and a short one at that."

I know she has a point. I guess one could say I'm scared. Or even just missing what I had experienced in my dream life. Either way, I stand by what I say and Cas knows that. Though maybe I do need some breaks. A bit of a getaway from the burnouts. I just don't think dating should be that getaway.

After a bit of sitting down and homework, she popped up out of nowhere.

"Hey girly, have you checked Chatsigram?"

"No, why?"

I've never been one to check, half the time I forget I have it.

She turns her phone to me revealing a picture of her holding onto a guy's arm. Ronan's arm. With Ace right behind him.

It's funny really. I want to explode. My stomach is doing a million backflips. My throat feels like it'll collapse on itself.

"Are you ok?" Cas asks sympathetically.

What a question. A simple and yet so complex question.

"Of course I'm fine! I mean come on, I'm not dating either of them. It's not like I like them either." Not only that but it would be weird to like both or either of them. They both seem rather close in a distant way.

"It's okay to be upset, but please do the denial-thing. I saw the way Ronan and Ace look at you. There's probably a good explanation as to why they're with Em-"

"Can we please just listen to music?" I say abruptly. I don't want to be like this, I don't like them. They sure as hell don't like me.

I hear her let out a loud sigh as she puts the music on.

I go back to doing my homework. I go back to focusing on my work. Studying. Doing math. Reading over my physics book. Writing notes. More math work. We aren't together so why should I feel a certain way. I don't even like him like that. I don't like either of them like that. Why would I like both of them? Why do they remind me of someone I don't even know is even real? I feel like my imagination was just really wild as a kid, maybe that just seems to seep into my mind now.