Jack Hoffmens Gay Homosexual Saga

Bailey B. Cobbledik

Jack was going back to class because that's what they did in those days. He got to the classroom earlier than everybody else, intentionally to pee on the decks of people he didn't like. But when he walked into the classroom he saw a kid crying in the corner because he was getting bullied.
"I love what you've done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of your nostrils like that? Honestly you look so dumb, your face is built like a fish. And actually, why are you crying? You're such a crybaby, what you think somebody's gonna save you? Your balls are probably built like a block of cheese. In fact you look a Costco, in fact, you probably go to Costco and eat the whole pop-tart aisle, box and all." Jack stood there in horror, why was such a hot guy getting bullied? And the bully wasn't just anybody, the bully was Kotoko. Kotoko was the most popular girl in the whole school.
"You're probably so gay you're straight. Honestly, You look like you go home and molefest children. You-"
"That's not very Ultimate Hope of you Kotoko." Jack interjected, that's when Kotoko snapped her head towards Jack.
"Sorry I'm busy right now, can I ignore you another time?" She said with a sadistic giggle.
"No! Because I'm Jack Hoffmen, and I'm the gayest Ultimate Hope you'll ever meet." Kotoko slapped Jack upside the head,
"You can go take your sulfur-smelling self somewhere else, nobody asked for you to be here so go away h*e." Jack was repulsed by the fact that she thought she could slap him like that, so he slapped her back. It would have been a good attempt but his arms were built like twigs so they shattered into a million pisces and had no effect. Kotoko rolled her eyes,
"Whatever, you're off the hook for today gay*ass." Jack went over to the boy who was still crying in the corner.
"Are you ok?" Jack asked the pitiful-looking boy.
"Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-YY-Y-Y-Y-Yes, I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I'm a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-alr-alr-alr-alr-alr-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-right. Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ank y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ou f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-for h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-hel-hel-hel-hel-hel-p-p-p-p-p-ping m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-me b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bab-by g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-girl." The boy had a dreadful stutter, it was probably the reason he was being bullied. Jack was kind of repulsed but he couldn't just leave the poor boy to fend for himself. And since he was so buff, the only logical solution was to ask him on a date.
"So, what's your name smexy?" Jack asked flirtatiously. "M-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-my n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-name i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-s B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-Bailey B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B. C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-Cobbled-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-dik!" the boy replied.
"So. . .Bailey, would you like to go on a date?" Bailey made one of the most disgusting faces seen in the history of mankind, it was the ef boy face, and said,
"UwU, yes daddy." Jack's opinion on Bailey instantly changed, he no longer thought that Bailey was not the most repulsive creature ever, but the hottest.
"Ok so, let's go to the aquarium then." Jack said with a blush.

-at the aquarium-

"C-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-come o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-on H-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-honey-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-boo, y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-you w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-wanna g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-go l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-llook a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-at t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-the B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-blobfish?" Bailey said in a super UwU voice.
"Of course my Sweetums." Jack said to Bailey who was blushing profusely,
"J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-Jacky w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-wacky, c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-can w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-we h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-hold h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-hands? UwU." Jack was drooling at how cute Bailey was.
"Yes, my smoopsy woopsy poopsie bear." Jack grabbed Bailey's hand. Suddenly, Jack got a cramp, a cramp so bad that he felt like he was gonna throw up. This could only mean one thing, JACK HAD GOTTEN HIS PERIOD! And Jack was wearing white pants, this was really bad.
"Darling, I think I've, gotten my period. Do you think you could go get me some tampons from Walgreens?" Jack whispered in Bailey's ear. Jack's a biological man, he isn't trans either. Just a man.
"O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-of c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-course b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-baby g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-gworl, I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I'll g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-get y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-you s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-some o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-of t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-the h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-highest q-q-q-q-q-q-q-q-q-q-q-q-q-q-q-q-q-q-q-q-q-q-q-q-q-q-q-q-q-q-q-q-q-q-quality t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-tampons e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-ever. D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-do T-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-tampax w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-work?" Bailey replied.
"Anything works, I just don't want it to leak into my pants." Jack whispered with more urgency. Jack went and hid in the bathroom. Bailey went all around the city to get some tampons, but every single Walgreen's he went to had none! And all of a sudden, God made her appearance in front of Bailey saying,
"Mwahahaha! I have bought out all of the tampons everywhere, Jack will never stay with you if you can't meet his needs!"
"Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-YOU F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-FIEND!" Bailey yelled.
"HOW DARE YOU RAISE YOUR VOICE AT ME YOU STUTTERING F*CK!" Then she electrocuted him and he died.

~Meanwhile~

Where the f*ck is that son of a b*tch!? Jack thought as the aquarium started to flood with his blood, Causing the deaths of many innocent bystanders and it to have to be shut down forever and classified as a contaminated area.