𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝑰𝒔 𝑮𝒓𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝑩𝒍𝒖𝒆 // 𝑳𝒂𝒓𝒓𝒚 𝑨𝑼

-a new home-

My mom parked our car, and for a moment, we both just sat there. Taking it all in while understanding the significance of the moment. All until Gemma began knocking at my mom's window in excitement.

My mom looked at me, and it was one of those moments when you get the scary urge to tell them everything. I loved my mother more than anything, more than myself, perhaps, but moments like this always reminded me that, in a way, it was my job to protect her as good as I could. Without giving her anything to worry about. Not anymore, at least.

It was hard having to be strong for your parent, and even tho she never asked for it, even once telling me I didn't have to, that didn't change my mind. Gemma eventually pulled me out of my thoughts as she opened my door and tried to get me out of the car.

I stumbled over her leg, causing both of us to fall down and to my absolute disgrace, my mother taking a picture of us. "What kind of mother are you?", I cried jokingly. "I'm not your mother, didn't I tell you this before?" "That's how I find out?!" "Knew it", Gemma exhaled. "Mom you gotta be real serious now, okay?" "What is it?" "Is he our servant?"

I kicked her in the shin for that and she kicked me back but eventually mom pulled us apart from one another and was just shaking her head in disbelief about what her child and apparently their servant had grown into over the past years.

We slowly unloaded our crammed cars, as my mother called us. I went around the car to see her already talking with a woman who appeared to be our new neighbour. "And you are Harry?" "Yes." "You have to excuse him, he's a little shy." "Mom", I whinced. But the woman only chuckled and introduced herself as Johanna.

"I have a boy just your age, I bet you'll make great friends." "That's nice", I said while really worrying about the hours I probably had to spend with him, having to pretend to be happy about the situation while really just wanting to leave and go anywhere else, but wherever we were.

Three other people left my neighbour's house. The similar aged man introduced himself as Joannah's husband and the father of the two little girls who were hiding behind their legs. They gave us a basket with some food and flowers, Phoebe and Daisy picked with their brother.

Finally, mom allowed us to go inside and therefore upstairs to choose our rooms. We were arguing for weeks, and even tho she wanted to prevent the absolute chaos, it happened nonetheless. We sprinted upstairs, me already getting dizzy as I didn't drank enough today.

The first room had a really cool bay window. I already pictured myself reading in, but just like Gemma, I also wanted to see the rest. The room in the middle had one small balcony, and the last room was by far the biggest one, but it didn't have any special feature like the window or balcony.

Gemma wanting it, made me really happy because I knew I wanted the first one. I sat on the cushions by the window and looked at my new neighbours house. I hoped they didn't think I was all weird, the way I barely got a word out next to them, but it wasn't as if I felt extra uncomfortable, I liked Johannah.

A little later, my mother called for us, so we'd help put the rest inside. I left most of my books in the car because I was far too lazy to carry them all inside. I just had too many, but at the same time, I didn't want to get rid of any and bought new ones and all that, without the feeling of having any control about it.

I walked around in my room, imagining myself, all my furniture, and junk in this room and sat on the cushion by the window again. I looked at the closed curtains on the window right opposite mine. Moments like this made me wander off into my thoughts. "What was the room behind the curtains looking like? Would school work out? Would I find any good friends? I wasn't feeling as euphoric anymore, but still happy.

After I've had enough, I sat on one of the boxes in our living room and tried to take it all in. "Mom, when do we have to go to the new school again?" "On Friday. School starts Monday in a week." "This is wayyy too early." "Oh you poor thing." "I am a servant, what can I say."

She smiled at me and sat down on another box. She let out a hot and heavy gasp of air, didn't say something for a while, but also didn't stop smiling at me. I knew it was hard for her too, but she was trying to pull herself together for us.

"What I said about your smile earlier, I meant it." "Stop saying that, mom." She took one of my hands and looked at them. Mine was as big as hers, if not bigger. "It's okay if you're scared." "What?" "I know you are." "Mom I'm al-" "Alright, I know." "Yes."

Suddenly, I felt trapped and anxious, as always, as the topic changed its direction to feelings, especially mine. I awkwardly freed myself from the conversation and regretted everything I said, just a second after I did. "I'm scared too, Harry."

I went to bed really early that day. I put up fairy lights at the window and put some on the floor, next to the mattress I was laying on. I couldn't sleep. The room was too empty, and even tho I loved our new place, I just hated change.

I wanted things to change, but without having to put any effort into it. Just thinking that made me feel stupid, but sometimes life was feeling as if I was glued to the ground at a train station and while everyone was heading somewhere, I didn't have any choice, but to stay where I've been all the time.

I could try to rip off the glue, but stepping in that train wasn't automatically going to lead me somewhere good. I could end up at a good place, but with every step I took, I was ruining any opportunity of happiness at the same time.

The room was empty, but I looked at the ball of fairy lights in my hands and felt that I was slowly drifting off to sleep.
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07.02.24

I'm on time <3 (for the first time in 3-4 years or smt💀)

Enjoy the new chapter, and feel free to leave comments/votes :)