Mismatched socks

Colin - Chapter 18: Walking weeping willow

It's almost my birthday. Tomorrow I am nineteen. I haven't spoken to Renée in three months. And I have never felt so bad for so long. For these past months, I have missed her so much I cried myself to sleep almost every night. My roommate Elton must have thought weird things. He even might have spread rumours about me being mentally unstable. That's what you get when you cry and are a guy.

Although my friends try to act normal to me as if nothing happened between me and Ren, I can feel they despise me. The same with James. My exams sucked, my parents are everything but happy about it. I sigh as I walk to the library. 'Hey, mate,' Elton greets me as I take place at his table. 'Hello,' I silently say.

'Dude, you've got to get help. I want to kill myself just seeing you all gloomy.' In surprise I look at him. 'It will pass,' I say and open my books. 'If you say so,' he mumbles and continues typing on his laptop. I stare at the words in front of me. The words start swimming and I sigh closing my book with a loud bang.

'Okay, you either tell me what's wrong or I will drag you to a therapist myself. This has been going on for too long, Cole.' Elton sounds threatening in a kind way, if that's even possible. Well, he makes everything he says sound kind and genuine. His blue eyes pierce into mine before running a hand through his blonde hair.

'Fine,' I finally say. Elton closes his computer, so he can give me his full attention. I explain everything. How I fell in love with Renée years ago – and how heartbroken I was when she started dating Kai -, how I was so happy when she moved to England so I could see her every day, how heartbroken I was again when I noticed she would hang out with Sophia more, how her evil mother noticed my love for her daughter and manipulated me into tricking Renée. My story ends with Renée screaming at me that she never wants to see me again.

'Dude, that's messed up,' Elton says with a judging look. 'I know, I know,' I say sadly. 'What the hell were you thinking, complotting a wedding behind her back? She clearly sees you as a brother.' 'Thanks for pointing it out. Again.' 'Well, you clearly need it,' Elton says. Maybe it's best if I don't mention myself inviting me to my friends New Years Eve party?

'Anyways, you've got to move on, Cole. You can't keep living like this, you are like a walking weeping willow.' I almost start smiling with his metaphor. 'I know I do. It's just hard. I feel like I haven't got a chance to explain myself.' 'Mate, you need a hell of an explanation for her to forgive you,' Elton says in surprised, with his eyebrows shooting up in the air.

'Elton? What else am I supposed to do?' I desperately ask. 'Like I said before: move on.' 'How?' Elton is silent for a moment, thinking. 'There's this band playing in the pub close to campus tonight. We could go and clear your mind?' he suggests. 'I am in the band playing tonight,' I smile. 'Oh well, guess I'll see you there then,' he smiles and packs away his stuff. 'I've got a class,' he says before leaving the library.

That evening I am putting up my keyboard and microphone. Marc gives me a death stare. I'm surprised he's so protective of Renée, I never knew he liked her. 'Ready, Maxwell?' Parker asks. I hate it when she uses my second name, partly the reason she calls me that now. 'Sure,' I nod. Kai takes place behind the drums as the door to the pub opens. Elton walks in with a few friends.

The owner of the pub announces our band. We have got to change our band name, it's hideous. The lights dim a little and Kai counts. Everything my hands do and what I sing is a blur. I am glad when we take a break. I take a sip from my beer and look at the people walking into the pub. Renée is holding Sophia's hand as they laugh and take a seat at an empty table in a corner.

Before I know it, my hands are playing the notes to Mr. Brightside. It's a lower key and slower than we would normally play it. My mouth starts to sing, while looking at the two girls. I sing my own version.