Winnie Is Not Okay

1.20

Rose never did get a scolding from the Doctor. Days of adventures continued and Rose acted as normal as ever. She was helpful, curious and wonderful as Winnie loved her. So, soon enough, she got to pick a new destination.

"Dad would have loved to have seen us now", she started timidly, "That's what Mum always says. So I was thinking, could we- could we go and see Dad when he was still alive?"

"Rosie, no", Winnie shook her head quietly and looked down. She couldn't do that.

The Doctor looked at Winnie with narrowed eyes displaying worry, then he furrowed his brows at Rose, almost suspiciously, "Where's this come from, all of a sudden?"

"All right then, if we can't, if it goes against the laws of times or something, then never mind, just leave it", Rose timidly stepped back, pushed her hair back and leaned against the railing, almost embarrassed.

"No, I can do anything. I'm just more worried about you", he looked at both the sisters.

"I want to see him", Rose confirmed, but the Doctor's eyes remained on Winnie, prompting her to give Winnie a slight nudge.

"Oh, yeah. No", Winnie shrugged and sat down, "I don't like to dwell on it. But you go on ahead. I've been meaning to browse the library anyway."

The Doctor pursed his lips and nodded, stepping up to the console, "Your wish is my command. But be careful what you wish for."

They landed on the date of their parents' wedding, and when the Doctor and Rose left the Tardis Winnie started to roam the halls. She passed her own - well, sort of - room, the Doctor's room and a pink door that must've been Rose's room. She passed a swimming pool and a whole spa. And even though she wanted to browse the library, she couldn't resist when she saw that a towel, bath robe and bikini were laid out for her.

After an hour or two she left the spa, took a shower and got dressed in loungewear. Then she went back to the console room which the Doctor and Rose were entering solemnly. When Rose saw her sister she jumped up to her and into her arms.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Winnie", she pulled back to study her face, "I can't believe- I can't believe I could ever forget about you."

Winnie snorted, "What?"

"You were gone", the Doctor explained shortly.

"No, sorry, I know I said I was going to be in the library, but I found a spa and I couldn't resist. It was so nice", she sighed contentedly.

"What? No", Rose furrowed her brows, "Winnie, I- I saved Dad and then the Tardis was gone, and then so were you, and there wasn't even a baby version of you anymore, and I'm so sorry."

"You saved Dad?", Winnie raised her brows and pulled away from Rose, "What the hell, Rosie?"

"I- it just happened. And I shouldn't have, and it only made everything worse", Rose sobbed and buried her face in Winnie's shoulder.

Winnie sighed and decided to comfort her sister, "My days, Rose Marion. That is about the dumbest thing I've heard all day."

"I thought you were in the spa all day", the Doctor stated accusingly, "You didn't hear anything all day."

"All week, then. The dumbest thing since Adam Mitchell last spoke", Winnie smirked at him.

Rose gasped, "That's so mean."

"Well, you wiped me from existence, so I get to be mean."

The Doctor smiled in slight amusement, a bit of pain hidden in his eyes. Winnie convinced Rose to go to sleep after such an emotionally exhausting day and so when she entered the console room again, she was alone with the Doctor.

"What happened?", she spoke up.

"She wanted to be with him when he died, because your mother said he was all alone", he shrugged, "But she pushed him out of the way and so the Tardis became a normal telephone box and you were gone, and no one even knew your name, it's like you'd never existed."

"How?", Winnie frowned, not quite able to wrap her head around the fact that while she had been in the sauna, she hadn't existed.

"You were the first victim of the wound in time. These creatures showed up and started destroying time, then me too. Ultimately, your Dad must've figured it out and gotten himself back in the accident. 'Cause now everything's back to normal."

"He was a good guy, I guess", Winnie shrugged.

"Why did you not want to see him?", he asked with furrowed brows, "I get a feeling Rose just wanted to come with for this exact thing and you didn't even want to have a look."

"I was't even two when he died", she told him, "Mum told us he was a great guy, but she moved on - and she loved him. So I didn't want to dwell on it. Rose would always go 'What if Dad was here', 'What would Dad do' and I always just thought I couldn't even make something up. 'Cause I hadn't even said the word 'Dad' by the time he died."

"He didn't remember you either", the Doctor gave her the hard truth.

"Well, I don't remember him. That's exactly it. I know it's sad. But it's so much easier. Most people my age still have both parents and they don't even care about their parents' opinion", she snorted.

"Good point", the Doctor pushed out a breath and went below the console again.

"What is it?", she asked.

"What?"

"I know you better by now than you'd like to think. I know this mood of yours. What happened?", she laid down next to him, looking up at the cables in the console.

He took a breath, "She took none of what I said into regard. Every time I trust her she goes and ruins it again. Everything she did today was so blatantly stupid. She killed you and she didn't even remember. Instead she kept hoping that I would fix things so her father could stay alive."

"Can't blame her for something she doesn't remember", Winnie muttered, trying to find hopeful words without disregarding her own life, "Could you have?"

"I tried", he sounded exasperated.

"So you remembered me but you still tried to find a way to let things stay as they were?", it was supposed to sound challenging but to the Doctor it sounded more like she was accusing him.

"Winifred-"

"No, I'm just trying to show you, none of us are without fault. Rosie does things impulsively, she doesn't think about the consequences, but usually she tries to do what's best. And Mum had always described Dad as this great guy. So, obviously, she couldn't resist."

"He was a good guy", he admitted, "Better than your sister, anyway."

"Doctor!"

"Sorry", he mumbled, "Either way, I'm extremely cross with her."

"She's cross with herself. I think no one's more upset about the situation than she is", Winnie sighed, "And I'd like to think now that she ultimately picked me over Dad. Which is a terrible thing to think, but still- The concept of 'Dad' is not as important to her as her real sister- me."

"You're the best dad", the Doctor grinned.

"Thanks", she smiled back, "And you're probably a fantastic grandma."

"Yeah, betcha", he chuckled.

"Let's do something where you can't get mad at her. Something where she can only be good. Like these last eight adventures where she was immaculate."

"I don't know how many chances she can get."

"She can have some of mine", she grinned and got up, "After all, my only wrongdoing thus far turned out to be the right shot. Remember? Evil ghosts who wanted to take over Earth and you just let them 'cause you wouldn't listen to me?"

"She can have two of your chances", he agreed.

"How many do I have left, then?"

"We'll see about that."

Winnie chuckled and bid him farewell to go to sleep. He looked after her and couldn't help but feel a tug in his hearts for her. He had lost her today. He never wanted to experience that again.