The Devil Doesn't Bargain (MatD part 2)

Chapter TWENTY NINE - Vexatious

Some people wear fear like a noose around their neck. 

Sebastian wore his like stitches to a broken heart - not always visible but the last string holding him together, yet also pushing him forward. His fear held darkness below his lashes and pulled a tremor beneath his fingertips, propelling him ahead, gnashing and clawing - searching for a path not yet set in stone but seemingly possible to a heartbeat blurred. His fear married optimism and he wore the ring determinedly.

What a dangerous union he was. 

"The way I see it, we have two problems to solve. The first is in motion, we fix it together as soon as the Gaunts respond. But this one?" He pointed to my chest, fingers still curled around the pendant. "I don't know why we're waiting anymore. I've tried to understand- but I don't. And I won't wait around. Not again."

Anne held perfectly still, ears to him, eyes on me. Ominis tilted his head, worrying his jaw but said nothing.

Sebastian's voice dropped impossibly quieter.

"I've been useless my whole life Atley. A student who couldn't stay out of trouble, a son who couldn't preserve his parents' lives, a boy who couldn't protect his friend, a brother who couldn't save his sister... I will not also be the one who cannot save his own heart..."

I let out a breath I'd been holding, pulling my fingers up to his chest to feel the heartbeat there, a million thoughts tossing around behind my eyes. "Sebastian-"

His fingers abandoned the pendant, letting it drop against my collarbone. They instead wrapped warm and firm around my hand.

"No, not that one." He lifted our hands, turning my wrist gently and resting my palm against my own chest, his fingers blanketed overtop. "This one."

I could feel something turn over below my ribs.

Sebastian pressed on, eyes deep.

"You're my little fighter Atley. Merlin knows how fucking strong you are..." He tapped his hand over mine twice before lifting his smallest finger and hooking it under my own. "I need you to fight for yourself for once."

My heart decided before my brain, pounding for him, wanting for him. 

I was terrified.

Terrified to live, terrified to die

terrified to hurt anyone anymore,

but wouldn't my death hurt him most of all?

I would fight.

But not for myself,

only for him.

Always only for him.

For them.

My voice wavered, but even on my terror tipped tongue and quivering lips, 

I agreed.

It was as if I had just tossed the stars back into the sky the way Sebastian's eye lit, his excitement nearly crushing me as he pulled my entire body to his. Only then did I feel the way his chest shook quietly.

----

It was decided that we would give my weary body a couple days rest to recuperate from this bought. It had been one of the biggest yet and even though my skin had warmed and the heat I'd thought I'd felt melted away, my bones ached aggressively.

The walk back to the castle had been brutal. 

The Floo system was out of the question and though Sebastian offered to carry me and Anne and Ominis each offered their arms, I refused them all. A determined spark bloomed in my blood to prove my strength despite the crumbled pile of bones I'd been only minutes before.