Love How I Love You | WMBM | BXB BL

5 | The fire replaced all the love

The moment Percy opens the door. I hugged him tight, breathing in his scent. Always Sandalwood and cinnamon. His hands push against me forcing me away. It's the disgusted look in his blue eyes that I took a step back.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"You wanted to see me rem-"

"Abigail's upstairs." Percy motions toward the stairs.

A small ping of rage burned my stomach, and I could taste it on my tongue. Spicy and bitter. I should be used to him with her; her with him. I only knew Abigail from Percy's mouth, and I am sure Abigail didn't know me from his mouth. And maybe it's the broken little boy in me who desperately wants someone to love him. I'm slowly poisoning us.

There's a fog of loneliness surrounding me and I can barely breathe.

"I need you right now," I said. My voice was low.

Percy sighs and grabs his car keys. We sat out in his car, but he told me he couldn't stay with me long in case Abigail woke up looking for him. I played with my fingers counting each of the faint freckles on the back of my hand and swallowed down the uneasiness when my mind started to think about Aunty Mabel.

I feel Percy's cool hand on the back of my neck and he lightly squeezes. "Talk to me," he said.

It's in this moment with Percy that I realized I didn't know how to be openly vulnerable with him.

"I want sex," I said. I needed that closeness right now to distract my mind. To distract myself.

My phone buzzed with a message from Mama: Hey, baby, where are you? Please come back home so we can talk this out.

But what was there to talk about when no one listened to me for years and blamed me for what happened? My hands start to shake. I crawled over the console to straddle Percy's lap.

"We can't do this now, Jason," he said.

I kissed him. Sloppy and messy. Percy tries to take control over the kiss but I don't allow him to.

"Please I need this right now," I said into the kiss. My voice was hoarse with frustration.

I'm restless, irritable, and impatient.

It's the fury that almost chokes me. I'm angry at everything right now. I fumbled to pull his dick out. Percy's large hands took my face and held it gently. His thumbs stroked my cheeks. "Hey," he said. "We can't do this now. I need to go back in with Abigail."

A hot tear rolled down my cheek. I fist his shirt begging with desperation.

Percy kissed my forehead. "You need to leave."

"Is she more important than me?" I yelled in irritation. "What about me...What about me..."

I can see the truth. It's wedged between our chest and smeared on his lips. I wanted the truth to burn away to make the hurt bearable. Even with Percy, right now I feel alone. I get out of his car, slamming the door. The cool blue light of my phone floods my face. I wasn't sure if I should call Alejandra or Min-jun. Instead, I called his mother to pick me up. I didn't have enough money for bus fare and I honestly needed an adult to talk to right now.

***

Min-jun's mother pours me a hot cup of tea. She was in the middle of doing her skin-care routine when she picked me up. She still had another 5 minutes of wearing her face mask before taking it off. I stare at the steam coming from the white porcelain cup. I told Min-jun's mother everything just leaving out the part where I was begging Percy for sex.