The Feeling's Mutual | Bucky x Reader

10 | Rage

Longest chapter yet! Gore warning, things gets pretty dark and angsty so strap in ;)

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It shouldn't have been possible. But somehow it was. Drozdov had tracked you all the way to Alaska and sent a personal death squad after you. According to the sensors there were two dozen men headed your way, armed and clad in snow camo gear. You didn't have long before they'd surround you.

You couldn't believe you'd actually thought it was over. That, after all these weeks with no one but Bucky, you let yourself forget why you were out here to begin with. But now whatever peace you'd had was gone, replaced with the cold, harsh reality of what was coming. You were reminded of the promise Drozdov had made you. The promise of your end. 

"What do we do?" 

Your question was as restless as your pacing. Bucky sat quietly on the couch, in his own thoughts, as you continued, "We can't run, the gas in the pickup we left behind will be frozen solid, and we can't contact the Avengers because they won't get here in time." 

You peered out one of the dark windows again, like you were expecting someone to burst through the tree line at any moment. You wouldn't have to wait long, a voice told you. "What do we do, Bucky?" 

"I think it's pretty obvious what we do," he said. "We fight." 

Those were his first words since the sensors went off. His lack of reaction had made you wonder if he was even listening to you. But he was. While you'd been busy ranting he'd gone over it internally, and he'd reached the very conclusion you were trying to avoid. The thought of battle made a familiar itch crawl up your spine...

"We can't," you dismissed.

"Why not?" Bucky got up from the couch. "You said it yourself, we're short on options-" 

"We can't, Bucky."

He stopped approaching you, eyeing your suddenly defensive posture. "You're the one always looking for a fight, I thought you'd like the idea," he said carefully.

"I do like the idea. Okay? That's the problem, I shouldn't-" 

You cut yourself off. You'd already said too much.

"Shouldn't what?" When you averted his gaze his hands found your shoulders. "Hey, don't hide from me. Shouldn't what?" 

"You don't understand," you hissed.

"Then help me to," he countered. "The y/n I know never backs down from a fight, so what is it? What are you afraid of?" 

Afraid? You were, weren't you? The fact that Bucky could read you that well, hell, that scared you too. But it was overshadowed by your fear of something else. Someone else. 

So you told him.

During your years with Hydra, Drozdov tested you - your abilities, resilience, loyalty - but he didn't do it alone. He did the clinical parts himself, the injections and experiments, but when it came to discipline he appointed someone else.

Damien. Drozdov's second-in-command. Your former 'obedience trainer'. In some ways you hated him more than you did your father. Cold and calculated as Drozdov was, at the core of it all was his service to Hydra. But Damien, he had no god. He was the kind of sadistic fuck who'd kick a puppy for fun - and that's exactly how he'd treated you. He was the one who electrocuted you with the shock collar. 

What were you afraid of? Damien, partly, because there wasn't a doubt in your mind he was part of the coming death squad, but mostly you were afraid of yourself. Of what you'd do.